No One Needs Know

By ledru

Wed, 07 Dec 2016
  • 940 reads
3 comments
 
This poem is not for reading out aloud.
I will not be reading it in front of anyone.
It is not even for you to read quietly.
Rules of protection to allow my untempered flow.
 
I repeat this mantra, to remind me,
that these words are written, 
not to satisfy a critic.
but instead to harmonise myself.
 
I know my mind.
It picks threads of thoughts
running wild and ragged.
It lays a path of twists and turns,
ideas as elongated snakes diving down deep dark caves.
My mind entangles itself in ifs and buts.
creating a labyrinth of mountain streams and dams.
 
Choices are in no short supply,
bombarding me with coloured balls
bouncing down the hilly streets.
 
I hardly catch any.
 
Flaying my arms in desperation
to save a few from oblivion.
to save myself from delusion.
 
When I'm up, these ideas promote
excitement, eagerness, turning over themselves.
Tripping each other up
In exhaustion.
 
When I'm down, these ideas develop
paranoia, doubt and paralysis, wrapping up tightly.
Dragging everything down
In exhaustion.
 
The grand old duke of York,
Yearning, to be neither up nor down.
Despite this, I'm compelled to go higher.
Can't stop, won't stop.
Those wonderful lucid moments, I'd never trade
For those white pills of tranquility.
 
Wandering mind, day dreaming.
I prepare to settle, learn to focus.
Most days, these days, I stay good
Following the pattern of a pre-planned day,
But just like glimmers
Of the, now long-distant, long dark days,
I do still trip and stumble often.
 
To find my heart pounding,
To find myself taking quick, shallow breaths
jaw clenching, grinding, teeth against teeth
My shoulders lift, roll forward,
chest tightening, holding myself,
burying inside.
protection to the edge of destruction.
and I curl my spine and stoop.
 
I avoid your eyes.
 
I catch it early nowadays,
No fear that you may know.
No guilt, not blaming myself.
I pause, I settle, I stretch, I breath.
You're OK to wait a while?
I'll be safe and sound soon. 
Certificate U
Poem
How it's Made : Me
Biography

Comments

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Great pace here - it would be perfect for a spoken workd perfomance.

Submitted by ledru on

thx.  I was thinking on performing this next time I go to our local poetry slam, especially given that doing so will contradict the opening paragraph.

 

Submitted by Ray Schaufeld on

I can relate to your poem. Good luck with reading it and the restsmiley