The Goober

(For Floyd, whom I miss every day.
- L.P.)

THE GOOBER
----------

‘MUMMY!
Quickly - come in here!
There’s something there behind my curtain!’
Mum came in. ‘What is it, dear?’
‘The Goober’s back again - I’m certain.’

Mum just smiled at me and said
‘There’s nothing in your room tonight.
Now go to sleep. Don’t be afraid.
I’m going to switch off your light.’

‘But Mum - the Goober’s hiding now.
He waits for you to go downstairs
Then out he jumps (the sneaky thing)
And starts to eat my underwears.

‘The Goober, eh? There’s no such thing.
There’s nothing hiding in your room.
Now go to sleep, my precious lamb.
Goodnight. Sweet dreams. I’ll see you soon.’

***

‘DADDY!
Did you hear it too?
A rumbling sound from over there.
I think the Goober’s hungry still.
Please can you check behind my chair?’

Dad just shrugged and listened hard.
‘That’s air trapped in the radiator.
I’ll fix it in the morning, son.
Now get some kip. I’ll see you later.’

‘Daddy, please just take a peek.
It sounded like the Goober’s tummy.
He’s on the prowl for things to eat.
Light and cottony and yummy.’

Dad looked behind the chair and said:
‘It might have been the floorboards creaking.
Go back to sleep. It’s just a noise.
Call me again if it starts speaking.’

***

‘MUM!
He’s in my cupboard now!
I’m sorry to disturb your cooking.
I think he’s trying on my clothes
And dancing round while I’m not looking.’

Mum just sighed. ‘Let’s have a look.
Hmmm. Oh wait... Now here’s a shock!
I lost this slipper weeks ago.
It must be Floyd - that naughty dog.’

‘No Mum, the Goober left it there.
He’s eaten one of mine already.
And I suspect he’s hungry still -
I’ve seen him eyeing up my Teddy.’

‘Well, there’s nothing else in here.
I’ll close the door. Now go to sleep.
There are no Goobers here to fear.
Say, why don’t you try counting sheep?’

***

‘DADDY!
Quick! Come quick, I said!
And you will see that I am right.
The Goober’s right beneath my bed.
He gave me such an awful fright.’

Dad just smiled and rubbed my head
‘It’s only your imagination.
Perhaps you’ve eaten too much cheese.
You’re having a hallucination.’

‘But Dad, he’s there. He really is.
I heard him moving underneath.
He picks his scabs and bites his nails
And wipes his nose upon my sheets.’

‘The Goober, eh? You must be tired.
Now there, you see? You can’t stop yawning.
So go to sleep, my little man
And I will see you in the morning.’

***

‘MUMMY! DADDY!
Come and look!
The Goober’s sat upon my shelf.
He’s nibbling at my favourite books
PLEASE won’t you catch that pesky Elf?’

Mum and Dad were not amused.
‘Listen lad, that’s quite enough.’
‘Your Father’s right, dear. You’re confused.
And making up such silly stuff.’

‘No, I’m not. I swear he’s real.
I heard him. Why won’t you believe me?
I’m sorry to disturb your meal.
But now I’m begging: PLEASE don’t leave me!’

‘Your sleepy head is playing tricks.
Oh weary little son of mine.’
‘Now snuggle down. Give me a kiss.
We’ll tuck you in for one LAST time.’

***

Then just like that they closed the door
And left me sulking in my bed
I listened to them walk downstairs
And pulled the sheets above my head.

Then as I lay there I began
To wonder if I really had
Imagined up the wily scamp
Who hid away from Mum and Dad.

But soon enough a shadow crept
Across the wall above my head.
And with it came the pitter-pat
Of tiny feet towards my bed.

I saw him then; a tiny figure
Not much taller than my shoe!
(I thought he would be much, much bigger
Menacing and ugly too).

‘Stop right there!’ I said to it
‘What ARE you doing in my room?
You’re keeping me awake, you nit.
You are the Goober, I presume?’

The Goober nodded bashfully
‘I did not mean to cause you fright
I’m only here you watch you sleep
And keep you safe all through the night.’

‘That’s very kind of you,’ I said
‘But Mum and Dad have had enough
Of hearing me complain about
A timid Elf who eats my stuff.’

‘I hide away because I’m shy
But I would never dream to eat
Your slippers. And I’ll tell you why:
They’ve been in contact with your feet!’

‘I would never dream of munching
On your books or teddy bears.
And I can think of better lunching
Than your smelly underwears.

No – a Goober likes instead
To whisper good things in your ears
We banish nightmares from your head
(And naughty noises from your rears).

We help you dream of things you like
Like playing football in the sun
Or riding fast upon your bike
Or anything that you find fun.

So don’t be scared – I’m here to help
Just shut your eyes and snuggle down
And let me bring you pleasant dreams
- I’ve yet to do the rest of town!’

***

‘MORNING DAD!
You’ll never guess
What happened in my room last night.
The Goober helped me get to sleep.
I didn’t even need my light.’

‘The Goober did the trick, did he?
Your dreams ARE strange, oh son of mine
But I’ll tell you what’s stranger still:
Your radiator’s working fine!’

END