A Dog's Dinner

By luigi_pagano

Wed, 08 Jan 2020
  • 1014 reads
4 comments
 
I have been told
that at no time
should Japanese
poetry rhyme.
 
I wished to adopt
this new concept
but find that at this
I am rather inept.
 
I've tried to write
poems in free verse
only to notice
that they are worse.
 
I've used both styles
singly and in parallel
yet the product was
a crude doggerel.
 
That one may be
a prize winner
was just an illusion:
it was a dog's dinner.
 
© Luigi Pagano 2020
Certificate U
Poem
Are you being versed?
Humour

Comments

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Rhyme gets a bad press because of forced rhymes and poor rhythm that can really be doggerel. For those of us who use rhymeing quite a lot we know it can not only be satisfying, but helpful when used to help the rhythm and the impact. Similarly, writing in free verse can work well for some, but probably has its own sensitivity of getting it attractive to read. But working in a different style to usual and with strict form and some useful content is hard, and anyway, some of our efforts appeal straight away, some maybe with a different audience later.

I was reminded of the competition where one of the tasks was to prodcue a Fib poem, based on the Fibonacci sequence. Were you involved in that? It was in autumn 2012, but I'm not sure if all the entries automatically went on the site.
Rhiannon
The one I did for that part is https://www.abctales.com/story/rhiannonw/poignant-ice-tribute-titanic-vi...

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

I agree Rhiannon, if not used properly rhymes and poor rhythm can be off-putting. The majority of my poems are rhymed but I like to experiment with other forms. I tend to write light and humorous verses to counteract the doom and gloom and heartbreak which seems to be the fashion with some 'serious' writers. Even an amusing piece can contain a serious message.
I can appreciate that some sad poems are in order as they are a tribute to a departed relative or a friend but it can be a bit depressing if there is a surfeit of them. That's my preference anyway, others may have a different opinion. 
I remember the pentathlon competition in which I took part, although I don't remember my contributions as every piece was cherry-picked.
A selection of the entries was included in the anthology "Fox Shade". You and I were in it but I don't know what was chosen as I don't have a copy of the book.
Nice hearing from you.

Best, Luigi x

 

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Such an interesting subject Luigi. As one who struggles with rhymes, I am so admiring of how easily you seem to find rhyming words - you must have a huge vocabulary to go with your general knowledge! I think. Your poem made me think of a gong in a Japanese temple compared with hymns in church.

One writer I admire is Edward Thomas, whose poems often rhyme, but I don;t realise it while reading. He seems to me to be able to put what I feel are the benefits of free verse - the impact of a word etc, with a strict form so that it doesn't seem strict at all!

One of the things I like about reading your poems is that they show your love for words and ideas they are very playful

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

I like the expression modus operandi, Di, a method of operating. It can apply to  the styles that writers and poets adopt. I mostly write poems in rhyme. It is something I have done for more than sixty years since I started scribbling verses in my youth. I feel comfortable with it and it comes naturally to me.
The choice and application of rhymes can produce good and bad results. As you rightly pointed out, the less obvious they are the more successful the poem is. Just like a suit where the seams are indistinguishable.
I wouldn't worry about struggling with rhymes. You produce, in your own inimitable style, verses that receive consistent plaudits and that is truly admirable.

Warm regards, Luigi x