A Hard Nut

As I entered the snug of The Cock and Bull, Jimmy the Mouth was holding court with a dozen of old lags who had done porridge many times. He was dishing out details of the last scheme he had concocted.

He saw me and waved to attract my attention and I knew what was coming; he wanted me to say what a great organiser he was to impress his acolytes.

I didn't want to feed his ego; he was conceited enough as it is. I remained uncommitted and asked:

“What's cooking, Jimmy?”

“We are going to steal the crown jewels, Joe. It's a peach of a plan”.

“ How is it progressing?”

“We are cooking on gas, mate”.

I grilled him on the feasibility of the enterprise but he said it would be a 'piece of cake'.

As soon as he uttered it, I knew it was going to be a recipe for disaster and he would be in the soup if things didn't run smoothly.

It was not something I wanted to be associated with, especially as the expedition to the Tower of London had been organised to take place that very night.

The drawbacks were obvious.

Firstly, the fog was as thick as a pea soup and to venture out at night was too risky. Secondly, there were too many participants and, as the saying goes, too many cooks spoil the broth. Thirdly, the likelihood of delay at Spaghetti Junction had not been taken into consideration.

I didn’t want to make things worse by offering half-baked solutions and suggested he ought to revise the plan or at least chew the fat. 

He looked at me and, sounding  as crazy as a soup sandwich, said:

“You are going to drive me mad with your interference; why do you always stir the pot?  I have thought of everything from soup to nuts.”'

I was boiling inside but I saved my breath to cool my porridge and tried to simmer down.

There was no point telling him he was going on a wild goose chase. I could see that he was a hard nut to crack. 

The realisation that I might go bananas trying to persuade him made me stop arguing and anyway, I had other fish to fry.

  
© Luigi Pagano 2023