Starting Over

“Look, I realized that you were right about something.”

“At 4:30 in the morning?”

“Yeah I guess I haven’t told you that I haven’t been sleeping well lately.”

“I’ve only been asleep 2 hours, baby, I need sleep.”

“Well that’s not my fault is it? And you’re still drunk as hell, so shut up. I’ll let you get your precious beauty sleep in a minute.”

Startled, he muttered, “Okay…”

Calming herself down and trying to make sure he couldn’t tell how scared she was, she took a deep breath, but it was ragged with tears. For a moment she just focused on her breathing.

“Do you remember when you asked me why I’m still with you, because I hate everything you do?”

“Of course. Why?”

Another shaky breath and then, “Because you were right.”

There was a moment of silence, but he soon asked, “What do you mean?”

“I’m tired of it, Kyle!” She exclaimed to the phone. “We used to be perfect. You were perfect. You drank not even once a month, you didn’t dip, you didn’t smoke, and you were sweet. So sweet! Now I’m just a ragdoll to you – pointless! The only reason you still want me is for my body, but guess what? You lost it! You could have had me forever. We would have been great. You ruined yourself, Kyle, and you ruined us. I hope you’re happy with yourself knowing that you’ve torn gold to pieces – Diamond! To pieces! Diamond is the hardest stone, did you know that? Somehow, you managed to break it. I hope you’re really happy, because I’m not.”

He left her with another long drag of silence as a rough waterfall flowed from her eyes. “Why didn’t you warn me, Calla?”

Now she was angry. “Warn you?” She yelled, exasperated. “I even told you that song You Promised was going to be our future if you didn’t fix yourself. I told you I hated it all. I told you that you drink too much and I told you I hate the taste of dip in your mouth, so you’d light a smoke. As if that fixed anything! Yeah, Kyle, try blaming this on me. All throughout everything, I’ve said we share the blame. We both participated in all the arguing, true, but this is you. You’ve become someone else. I don’t want this person. The only person I have ever wanted is Kyle Storm, but you’ve taken him! I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

He seemed to have forgotten how to speak, but after a couple of minutes, he whispered, quoting the song I had just mentioned, “‘No, baby, don’t. You’re making my heart hurt. Don’t say those words. Take it back. You know you don’t mean that. And you swore when you wore my ring, it meant forever. You’ve got it on, baby. How can you say you lost it?’ Calla, you promised.”

She gasped through her tears and choked. It was so hard… It was unfair. She could see his face. So many memories… Why, she thought miserably. But now it was her turn. “No matter what you do, you know I’ll always love you. Well, I have to… ‘Cause I promised.” And she hung up, Brantley Gilbert’s voice ringing through her mind.

There was no goodbye, no “See ya!” She threw the phone and didn’t care when it hit the wall. She’d never use it now, anyway. With tears that seemed to have no end, sleep did not find her that night.