The Nutcase Friendly Bible - Creation.

(Scene 1.  Everything is dark.  God the Father, Jesus and thousands of angels are together at the beginning of the universe before anything has been created.)

Father :-  I want to make a world.

Jesus :-  What’s a world, then?

Father :-  It’s a round blue thing, with animals and people on it.

Angel :-  What are animals and people?

Jesus :-  Why do you want to make a world?

Father :-  I’m bored and lonely.

Angel :-  Lonely?  You’ve got us.

Father :-  I think this universe is too big for just Father, Son, Holy Spirit and a few thousand angels.

Angel :-  Is it?

Father :-  I’m going to create a universe which is absolutely enormous.  It would take light thousands of millions of years to get from one end to the other.

Angel :-  What’s light, then?

Father :-  I’ll show you.  (A dazzling ball of light appears in the darkness.)

Angel :-  That’s amazing.

Father :-  Now let’s make a world.  (A large ball covered by rocks and water appears.)

Jesus :-  I like the rocks, I like the water, but it’s a little bit shapeless and without form, isn’t it?  I could help.  (The rocks and water rearrange themselves.)  There, that’s a bit more structured, isn’t it?

Father :-  Now I’m going to make the firmament.

Jesus :-  What’s a firmament?

Father :-  It’s the gap between the sea and the sky.  There’s water up there in the sky, there’s water down there on the ground.  Can you think of a name for the water on the ground?

Jesus :-  How about calling it the sea?

Angel :-  The sea?  Yes, I like it.

Father :-  The sea it is.  Now I’ll create some dry land.

Jesus :-  That’s amazing, Father.

Father :-  Now I’ll make some stars.

Angel :-  Wonderful.  What are they for?

Father :-  They’re so that people can tell the time of the year and the seasons.  When man gets really clever, they’re for people to point their telescopes at and wonder about.  There’s the Sun, and there’s the moon.  We can have days and nights now.

Jesus :-  I like the Sun, the moon and the stars, Father.  It’s great making things together, isn’t it?

Father :-  Now for some fish in the sea.

Angel :-  Wow, look at that.

Father :-  Be fruitful and multiply and fill the seas with all your different kinds of fish.

Jesus :-  I’ll just make some plankton so the fish have got something to eat.

Father :-  Now some animals: cows, sheep, beasts of the field, things that crawl on the ground.

Jesus :-  I’ll just put some stripes on the zebra, and some spots on the leopard, and I’ll make some plants grow on the ground so the animals have got something to eat.

Father :-  Now some birds to fly through the air.

Jesus :-  I’ll just make some worms and insects so the birds have got something to eat.

Angel :-  Father, you said something about a thing called a man and the man would look at the stars through a thing called a telescope.

Father :-  Yes.  Now we’re going to make man.  Man is going to be just like us, made in our image.

Angel :-  But you’re invisible.  If man was made in your image you wouldn’t be able to see him.

Father :-  I didn’t mean that man would literally be made in our image.  He’ll be like God in many ways.  He’ll have a brain that’s different to the other animals.  He’ll have a mind and a will.  He’ll be able to make decisions.  That’s how he’ll be like God.

Angel :-  Look at that.  The first man.

Father :-  He’s called Adam.  He’s going to look after all the animals in my beautiful garden.  If I could just have a sample of his DNA from one of his ribs.

Angel :-  Wow!  Another man.

Father :-  Adam is a man.  Eve is a woman.

Jesus :-  I’ll just put a womb in Eve so she can have children.  We’ve made some beautiful things today, Father.  They’re all very good.

Father :-  Now I need a rest because I’m tired after all that hard work.

Angel :-  Yes.  I’m sure you are.

Jesus :-  What a beautiful world.  What could possibly go wrong?