Pretty girl

Ever since we got together

My life's got better and better

She's turned it all upside down

Just little things like going into town,

She'll take me shopping for underwear

And bottles of stuff to put in her hair

She'll take me looking for new tops

And understand when I esca?e to record shops.

At night before we go to her favourite club

I'll take her to my favourtie pub

My life has never been so stable

As standing with her at the pool table

And although I get jealous when men's eyes stray

Hoping she's going to make their day

I know she's with me

And my jealousy

Is pointless because she won't be leaving

Men look at me disbelieving

But yes she's with me

As happy as any girl can be

So I stay in the pub for more beers

With the girl I wouldn't swap for Britney Spears

Knowing this relationship will never be over

She's sexier than Anna Kournikova

I love the noises she makes in bed

But I also love the way she'll giggle and go a bit red

She'll laugh so much she has to spit out her drink

Choking bending over the sink

While I sit watching her from behind

She's so stunning it will make me go blind

I still can't believe my luck

Being loved by a girl prettier than Kelly Brooke

And people are at a loss

That she's got a face nicer than Kate Moss

Why does she put up with me?

With my hair so scruffy

And my feet so smelly

And I shout at the telly

I don't always say thank-you that she's done the cooking

I don't always tell her I think she's really good looking

Sometimes I watch The Bill instead of going out with her friends

I have no sympathy when she loses a contact lens

But she still stays despite my snoring

The stories I tell must be getting so boring

But still in the morning I'm sometimes waken

To a good morning kiss and slices of bacon

She'll put on one of my T-shirts

It makes her look so good it hurts

Sometimes she'll just wear underwear

And rub my back or stroke my hair

And the way she gently breathes on my neck

?It just leaves me a complete wreck

Yeah I'm head over heel

But unfortunately none of this is real

Because this special girl instead

Goes out with a dick head

She doesn't even look at me

But I sometimes wonder how it could be

I see HIM taking HER round bars

I want to leave his face covered in scars

I want to kick him until he bleeds

I want to kick him, leave him unable to breed

I want to go and slit his throat

But instead I stand up and put on my coat

And instead of getting cross

I walk home convincing myself

it's her loss.