Trampled Popodoms

All Christian wanted in life was to be in a band. When he was at
school he begged his mum for guitar lessons. Like a lot of teenage boys
in the 80s he spent all his money buying albums from record shops and
eyeliner from Boots. Whereas most make-up wearing Simon Le Bon
wannabies soon abandoned their spangly guitars and swapped their
hairspray and catsuits for smart haircuts and suits and ties, Christian
carried on playing his guitars and keeping his neighbours awake. He was
in lots of bands, went out with lots of girls lived in lots of
different bedsits, but the one constant in his life was his guitar. One
day his dream came true, a record company executive had taken enough
cocaine to decide that giving Christian and his band a record deal was
a good idea. Christian spent his twenties in his band The Trampled
Popodoums making albums that would end up in car boot sales and playing
gigs in small German stripbars. He loved it, he didn't sell enough
albums to be able to afford to drive a big car or build his own studio,
but enough to be able to afford his mum and dad decent birthday
presents every year and to be able to buy his Manchester City season
ticket every season. And once on of his songs was played in the
background in the caf? in Eastenders. It's the only episode he's ever
seen, considering Coronation Street far superior, claiming you cannot
back both horses, saying it was like a City fan going to Old Trafford.
Together with the three other guys in his band he lived the life he'd
dreamt of. The Trampled Popodoums played at Glastonbury, although it
was at 2pm in the pouring rain on a stage that nobody really found.
They supported The Cure in Rochdale in 1991 and he met Ringo Starr
backstage at a tiny awards ceremony when they were nominated for Best
New Album in 1993. After Trampled Popodoum gigs he consistently had a
few fans waiting outside so he happily signed autographs, posed for
photos and talked to anyone who wanted to talk to him. And he was
interviewed in Melody Maker in 1989 and 1996.


But now it's all over. One of the fans who used to wait for
him in the cold after gigs turned into a groupie and then girlfriend
and now wife. A wife who wants a new conservatory, something doing
about the pile of bricks in the room he promised her would be a kitchen
and a car with a big boot for the shopping which isn't going to break
down every five minutes, unlike his current Triumph Dolomite. Whereas
The Beetles were the most groundbreaking and influential band in the
history of music broken up by Yoko Ono, a Japanese conceptual artiste,
The Trampled Popodoums were a rowdy band with off key drumming split up
by Sharon, a machinist in a knicker factory from
Bolton.


Little more than a year after Sharon got her feet under
Christian's dinner table, he found himself in Manchester Job Centre,
looking for a company who needed someone who had met Ringo Starr,
supported The Cure in Rochdale and appeared in Melody Maker in 1989 and
1996. Woolworths needed someone on the tills. His interview went well,
his lack of experience and skill was compensated for by being
interviewed by a fellow Gary Numan fan whose wife used to quite like
the Trampled Popodoums. He could start on Monday.


On Monday morning Christian's alarm wakes him up at 7am.
People in bands don't have alarm clocks and they definitely don't get
up at 7am, this is his first experience at being normal. He doesn't
like it. Over breakfast he argues with Sharon, he doesn't want to go,
she can't make him. She explains that she can and he agrees. Walking
from his house to the train station is horrible and sitting on the
train makes him feel sick. He stares out of his window at the landscape
he is going to have to tolerate for who knows how long? The rest of his
life probably. While he is staring at endless rows of hedges he hears a
familiar noise. He turns around and on the seat behind him is a
teenaged girl listening to a Trampled Popodoums album full blast on her
personal stereo. Christian moves from his seat to the empty chair next
to the girl. He stays there, able to hear every song, watching the
enjoyment on the young girl's face as her lips move to the words that
he wrote in his living room. The girl takes her headphones off as the
album finishes.
-So you like The Trampled Popodoums? Christian says
-Yeah, they're cool. Who are you?
-I'm?Fred. I've been told that they're splitting up.
-I'm Isobel, and they're not, my friend Sylvia says they're touring in
June, and they've got a new album out next year called The Popodoum
Palace. Do you like them?
-Yeah, I do.
-They're cool aren't they. Who told you they were splitting up?
-Oh, I just heard it somewhere. Don't worry though, I'm sure it won't
be happening.
And with that the train stops, Christian goes into Woolworths like he
promised Sharon he would do. He goes to the counter and buys a paper
and pen and goes to the park to start writing. He's got to tour in June
and release a new album called Popodoum Palace. Isobel's friend Sylvia
said so.