Christmas Cheer

Stan and Alex ate two work mates who have decided to go out for a few Christmas drinks and plan to sneak out while their boss is busy in the office .

Stan and Alex have worked together in the department for years and somehow have survived three governments . It would be costly and not in the departments best interests to sack them so Stan and Alex get away with a lot of things most of the other staff would be fired for .

At times a good sense of humour is your best asset .
Stan and Alex were made in that mould and that had helped them to survive all of the daily grind , especially during Christmas when the work load is greater than usual and the stress level is a lot higher than any other time of the year .

Its good to be busy and to have a good work ethic however you must have a time and place to debrief and reclaim who you are and for what reason you exist .
Now is the time for these two work colleagues .
Its almost Christmas Eve and they are about to leave their work station and borrow the bosses car .

So to an nearby pub they go where there is music plays from a juke box and a girl dances on stage .
The bar is half lit with Christmas lights and decorations hang from the ceiling and balloons with tinsel are placed on walls .
The are glasses without anyone watching over them and around tables a large accumulation of empty glasses still wait patiently to be collected .
A list of characters sit around some of the other tables in the pub .
Some have long faces others display that hard edge with well worn scars and tracks left that tell of hardship and suffering .
There are young happy people with big bright smiles .

There are some real characters , just like these two work colleagues who are about to arrive .
As they walk in the bar , the sounds of gaming machines , bell ringing , a jukebox playing and conversation flowing allows a completely different atmosphere to take presence of the moment .

Two men stand at the bar in sweaty singlets , covered in dust and smell of blood and guts . One of them says to the bartender .

“Ten dollars for a meat try that will feed a family of seven. That’s not bad value ,eh ?”

The bartender replies ,
“Is that you’re best Christmas special then this year ?”

The worker takes swig from his glass and burps .

“Well , if you want a leg of ham I’ll tell you what . For you this year no charge .
But I want a dance with the girl on stage ?”

Everyone in ear shot around has a laugh .

“You’re on ,

The bartender replied and continued .

But I’ll tell you what throw in a turkey and you can dance with me out back. “

There is a friendly atmosphere that provides a home away from home for some , but generally speaking most of the conversations are in small private groups .

As Stan and Alex sit down they order a few drinks before deciding to order a few more and then they sit down to have a drink .

In comes man with a few items he’s trying to sell /
Last minute Christmas gifts at a cheap price . Watches , and jewellery, perfume and DVD’s .
As he approaches Alex just realises its Stan’s brother in law and tries to give Stan a warning call .

Alex points to an outdoor area and ushers Stan off in that direction .

Dialogue For Short Sketch begins

Stan – “Hey Alex , what’s the problem . Get your hand off me will you .”

Alex - “Listen to me Stan , you know who is circling in .“

Stan- “Who want’s a go .“

(He shapes up and does some shadow boxing )

Alex - “Hide you face or turn around before he sees you ..

Stan- “Who .“

Alex ” Its that brother in law of yours . “

Stan -“That’s just typical , every time I’m go out he tracks me down .“

Alex - (Smans) Stan , you should see him .“

Stan“What’s so funny ?”

Alex -“You should see his face . You know how he eats those runny meat pies . Well his chin is covered in gravy. Its run all down his shirt .“

Stan –“Yeah , well I’ll tell you something , its my shirt he’s got . Mt sister gives him all the clothes I don’t want and another thing . Tell me is he trying to off load some hot gear there.“

Alex –“ You’re so right .“

Stan “ Well I’m not going to put up with that . I’m going to tell him where to go . I’m not putting up with anymore of it , I’m not “

Alex –“ Put up with what ?“

Stan –“With him watching me kill a few cold ones. Come on lets go up the road to the other local . Come on before he sees and wants to sit down .“

Stan finishes his drink and walk off towards the bosses car but before they get in Alex says

Alex –“ Nice one Stan , like you’re just going to get behind the wheel . I suppose you’ve not had enough drink to escape yet . Why don’t we walk and leave the car here ? “

Alex aggress and they both walk away . Alex still has a glass in his hand

Stan –“I’m telling you he actually thinks he’s the boss in his house but you know what Alex , I married his sister and she tell me , he’s the one standing at the sink while his missus has her feet up in front of the TV mate .“ (Ha Ha )

(Alex finishes his drink and leaves the glass on a wall .

Alex –“ Who washes up at your place Stan “?“

Stan -“Well I do but that’s beside the point .“ (Ha Ha )

Alex –“Yea Stan I’m the same mate and you know what else , I can make a bed like a whore too .“ .“ (Ha Ha )

Stan -“Tell you what Alex I got so sick of the housework I had to take up working for the Government .”

Alex - “I’m the same . Its better hours .“

Stan “ That’s for sure , so how long have you been working there ?”

Alex -“ I’d have to say about twenty years between drinks .“

Stan “ I’m the same . Come on and I’ll but you a drink for Christmas .“

Alex “Hey if you were a woman I give you a cuddle .“

Stan “ Shut up Alex and it better not go any further ok .“

Alex -“Sure you know I’m kidding .”

Stan -“Tell you my brother in law has a problem about visiting me .“

Alex-“What , how do you mean Stan .“

Stan –“The problem is he doesn’t know when to make a departure and he comes over far too often for my liking .”

Alex -“Isn’t that what families are suppose to do ”.

Stan “Don’t get me wrong Alex . I’ve nothing against families its just him and his runny pies that stick to his chin and he never has a proper shave .”

Alex -“I have the same problem with my missus Stan .”

Stan -“ So do I . Sometimes I have to tell her to have a shave , I’m giving you the drum , only for me she’s be as hairy as me there .“

Alex –“Why is it so .“

Stan –“ Its all about her chromosomes and oils . “

Alex -“ Is that a contagious thing ?”
“

Stan –“OK see the thing is she is like her brother . “

Alex -” Right then so is he coming over to your Christmas dinner .”

Stan -”Yeah you know what I did last year “

Alexs “ What “

Stan “ Last year I asked him to cook the sausages and guess what some stray dog ran off with the string of sausages in its mouth and him chasing after the dog with everybody in the street laughing .“ (Ha Ha)

Alex “Are you serious Stan , did that really happen?. ”

Stane ”Don’t say a word but it was me who trained that dog and guess who got the sausages back later on that night . “(Ha Ha )

Alex ”I hear you . Listen talking about dogs Stan , my brother Dave has a greyhound dog and its just had pups if you know anyone who might be interested .They’re going to be raffled off this Saturday at three in Maggies bar Mums the word but they are worth a small fortune .“
.

Stan –“ What is the bitch called ? .

Alex” Her racing name is Georgie Girl but her real name is Lucky .“

Stan “So its lucky little georgie girl ” .

Alex –“Dave reckons he had made over a hundred grand with her .“

Stan “Thanks for the info . I’ll put something aside for that .“

Alex -“ If you’re coming I’ll get you a ticket .“

Stan –“ Ok , I’ll let you know .“

Alex – “Time for another one , I suppose we better get back to work soon ?.“

Stan -“ No worries . Make it a quick one and take another back with us eh ?”

Alex -“(Slurping with a mouth full ) Don’t you love it Stan ?”

Stan – ”What’s that Alex ?”

Alex – “A few drinks at Christmas .“

Stan ”Yeah I like the drinks but most of all it’s the company .”

Alex – ”Are you still smoking ?”

Stan ”Nah . I gave them away . Didn’t think I could live without them you know “

Alex “I’m the same . Never though I would get through the day .“

Stane ” So did you get on to Patches ”

Alex ” I had one on every arm and leg . ”

Stan “So do you think they did the trick .“

Alex –“I think it was a combination of that with some pre-hypnotic suggestions that my wife recorded for me on a cassette tape . “

Stan –“Ok , lets go and get back to work before pie face finds us . He’ll be on his way here next with those imported high quality half priced goods . “

Alex –“So do you think he’ll get you a Christmas present this year ?“

Stan –“Doesn’t worry me I have nothing for him .”

Alex “I have nothing for the wife yet .”

Stan - “I hear you . Have you seen my new car yet ? :”

Alex “Yeah , like mine its still in the magazine waiting to get picked up .”

Stan “ This Christmas I’m going to be disappointed if I don’t get my new car . Its always been on the top of my list . “

Alex -“ I hear you Stan . Keep dreaming like me and we’ll get one soon .“

Stan ” Right then lets get back to work . “

Alex –“I guess we better ”.

Stan ‘I’m thinking of telling the boss about his car this year.”

Alex ’What where it is or who took it .“

Stan “ Exactly , I hope he won’t get too upset about . “

Alex -“Stan, are you really worried . Whats the worst thing he can do . Sack us . Nah he knows better .“

Stan ” Right then lets get back to work . “

Alex –“Ok ”.

Stan ‘I’m just thinking Alex , wouldn’t life be hard without a boss you can boss around .”

Alex ’Sure would be and by the way Happy Christmas Alex .“

Stan - “Happy Christmas to you Alex .”

The End

By Paul McCann