The Interview

Times were tough in Downdory and jobs were non-existent. Most people claimed unemployment benefit and somehow stayed on top of things.

One of the requirements one had to meet to obtain the unemployment benefit was to provide the Government details of five job applications that were made each week.

So the newspapers advertised a number of job vacancies that didn’t exist so people could apply for these positions so they could claim unemployment benefit.
The strange thing is even the Government knew that these jobs didn’t exist but accepted the information that was given to them in order to release the unemployment benefit to those who made the claim.
This fulfilled the systems requirements and a bond of understanding was established between the department and the people concerned.
A kind of justification arose in these desperate times where illusion had become a way of life. If you looked through the smoke and mirrors you could see how silly democracy really was but each week people applied for jobs that didn’t exist.

Now and then there were those who applied tact and stubbornness to actually get an interview for one of these positions.

With nothing better to do and lots of time to kill Jacko Fahey applied for an advertised position as a Social Scammer in a large cooperation overseas.

He had printed off a list of his friend’s names and phone numbers who were references to support his application. He also printed off a phoney Level 2 Social Scammer Graduate Certificate from a University that never existed to show he had the qualifications and skills required for the job. With some of these documents and references he had letters from the managers of companies that never existed confirming his experience and qualifications as a Social Scammer.

Jacko was actually amazed that he was contacted by someone from the cooperation to come in for an interview.

So on the day of the interview he got up early and spent time getting dressed up for the interview.

As he drank a cup of tea he read though the letter he had received from the cooperation. He had a laugh at the spiel laid out on paper.

Dear Mr Fahey

Thank you for your application to our current position of Social Scammer.
There are opportunities for promotion to the right person based on work performance and the effectiveness of the roles played in daily duties working with the company.

Somehow Jacko had put himself into contention for a position no one had ever heard of.
When it was time to leave Jacko grabbed his briefcase and went off to the bus stop where no one was waiting.’

After a half an hour a young lady came and stood at the stop beside Jacko.
She caught Jacko’s eye and said,

“Excuse me, has the 89 to the City Centre been yet?”

Jacko replied.

“No, you know how it is. They’re never running to schedule.

She nodded her head. Then she took a hairbrush from her bag and brushed her hair. Jacko continued the conversation.

You look like you’re going to a job interview.”

“Yeah I am actually. What about you.”

Jacko said.

“The same.”

She looked intrigued and said,

“ What kind of job are you going for? “

Jacko replied.
“Well its like a, social scammer’s position. ”

She checked her watch and said.

“Oh right. That sounds interesting. What do you do?”

“I’ve no idea. What about you. What kind of work do you do?”

“Oh I’m a line stretcher and stitch catcher.”
She said.

Jacko replied.

“What kind of job is that.”?

She smiled and said.
“Same as yours. Don’t know.”

Just at that the 89 buses pulled in.

“Good luck with all that then.”
Jacko said as she boarded the bus.

“Thanks .You too. Bye “
Jacko got off the bus first and headed off into the business section of town where he found the building where the interview was being conducted.

Once inside the building the receptionist asked him to take a seat.
After a short while, a door opened and Jacko was called.

“Mr Fahey. Hello my name is Bill. Would you come this way please.”?
He said.
Jacko followed Bill into a room and was asked to sit in front of a large desk.
Bill sat down and introduced two other people who would also be conducting the interview. They all had notepads and pens in their hand and put them down as they reached out to shake Jacko’s hand.

Jacko had them summed up in a few moments.
It looked as if Bill was in charge. He was a heavy set man in his late fifties had a beard of colours and a high forehead with receding ginger, grey coloured hair. His handshake was firm and his eyes looked directly into the depths of your heart.
Jill middle-aged lady with a nervous disposition. Her eyes seemed to twitch and look up to the ceiling every so often.

Phil was a young man who wore pair black shades and had gold bracelets hanging from his wrists .He smiled all the time. Even when he spoke.

“Well Mr Fahey. Thank you for coming for the interview.”
Said Phil.

“Thanks you for asking.”
Jacko replied.

Jill said.
“We all have a few questions for you.”

“Ok, fire away. “

”Why did you become a social scammer?
Bill asked.

“Well I worked as a line stretcher and a stitch catcher for a large company.
It was one of my work colleagues who said to me that she thought I’d make a good social scammer. So I did a little research and then enrolled for a level 2 courses in Social Scamming. After I graduated I began work as a social scammer within the local area.”

Phil continued,
“What skills can you bring into our organization?

“I am a highly trained and skilled as a scammer and can adapt to any situation without a moments hesitation.”

They all made a few notes.

“If you are successful. When can you start work?
Jill asked.

“Well I must make you aware that I do have two other offers at present. So I would need to weight up the benefits from each employer before I made a decision of who I would work for.”

Bill asked,

“What do you think about government departments?

Jacko replied.

“I always worry a lot about our government and wonder why they don’t worry about me.”

“Phil continued,

“If you had the choice to work for the government or stay on unemployment benefits what would you say?

Jacko stood up and said,

“I’d say I want your job. Now can you tell me exactly what is going on here.”?

Jill replied,

“Recently we created a few positions as a social scammer and a line stretcher and stitch catcher and waited to see what response we would get.”

Phil continued,

“ There were two people we wanted to speak to. About these positions”

“Bill said,
“These jobs are real positions but their descriptions are lets say a bit Smokey. How they work is we need someone to conduct interviews here five days a week for jobs that don’t exist.”

Jacko looked a little lost but he saw the funny side of it all and began to laugh. Then he said,

“Why. It doesn’t make any sense?”

Phil said,
“We need to provide the facts and figures on paperwork to satisfy the system.
Your job if you want to accept it, is tom provide names and details of people who you interview for jobs that don’t exist. Now what do you say Mr Fahey. Are you going to be our social scammer or not?”

Jacko replied

“What’s the pay like?”

‘Better than unemployment benefits.”
Jill answered.
Jacko said.
“Ok. Right then, when do I start.”

“Immediately.”
Came the reply from Phil.

Bill said,
“Oh and if you mention a word of this to anybody, we will deny this interview ever took place. Now come around and sit behind the desk. It is time for your first interview.

They all left the room.
After a moment a knock came upon the door.
“Come in.”
Jacko said.

In walked the girl he had met earlier at the bus stop.

“Well hello again.”
She said and Jacko offered her a seat and said ,
“You’ve come for the job as a line stretcher and stitch catcher ?”

“Yes , that’s right ."

She replied and Jacko said ,
"Its our lucky day . You’re hired .“

The End

By Paul McCann