Drummer Boy

Cherry

By MistakenMagic

Tue, 21 Apr 2009
  • 3384 reads
11 comments
 

The tap-tapping
of his foot
on the floor -
stamping down
then up
in perfect time
like a hinge,
resounds around
the crowded
common room.

His fists clutch
imaginary sticks
and he hammers
at the noisy air,
striking the clamour
of northern
sixth-former sounds
like birds bombarded
with stones
to crunch
under his feet.

Each beat he hits -
an electric charge
like lightning
carving a path
through the atmosphere.

Hands
punch out
a driving rhythm,
like a typewriter
printing words
only he
can read ...

and I will not
make his heart

skip

a
beat.

Certificate U
The Poet Who Fell in Love
Love

Comments

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Nice one Magic; unusual and enjoyable. Chris XX

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thank you Nathan! I'm glad I got the rhythm right ;) Cheers Chris - unusual? :p You wanna elaborate on that? Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Curse of 222 on
fantastic! i had to read it twice...the first time through i was so caught up in the effect of the rhythm that i didn't actually comprehend the words. "and I will not make his heart skip a beat." --these lines are particularly effective. maybe it's just me, but is it supposed to mean that you do not have the ability to make his heart skip or is it that you won't? jason

jason

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Sorry Magic, didn't mean to sound ambiguous. Maybe I should swap 'unusual' for 'original'; that might better explain the sentiment of my line of thought. I was mainly referring to the last few lines I suppose and the structure, (which, of course is aligned to the content of the piece) which works very well. Your work always manages, in some way, to surprise me; the quality is always 'top notch' but your imagination and inventiveness is so diverse - in a very VERY pleasing way. I open your work (eagerly) wondering what's in store this time. 'Duffers' like me are more easily surprised and sometimes find 'unusual' the creativity of those who actually know what they are at! Lovely work - yet again - keep them coming.. ;) Chris XX

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Jason - The last few lines you quoted are really what this poem is all about. The narrator, having low self-esteem and no confidence is saying this guy can't possibly fancy her - but the relevance of the structure is saying that she has a small hope in the back of her mind that maybe he could like her too. Also the idea that everyone else sees her in such a better light than she sees herself. They don't understand what she's worrying about! Chris - awww thank you so much! I always appreciate your comments and they never fail to make me smile ;) 'Duffer' - what are you talking about? You're a wonderful poet Chris and I love reading your work! Now I've just realised you've posted a new piece - better go check it out! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Curse of 222 on
thanks for the clarification. i read it as you intended it, but i wanted to make sure. congrats on the cherry. jason

jason

Submitted by sunshine on
great rhythm and the ending , which was surprisingly poignant I felt, is sweet twist. Margot

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thanks Jason ;) I'm glad I clarified that for you! And thank you Margot! The rhytm was indeed a challenge so I'm happy you think I succeeded! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Magic - timing is everything and you seem to have got it just right.;-) I hope so anyway. Well done on the cherry. Richly deserved. Tina xxx

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thank you Tina for all your help on this one ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Nolan on
Seen many okes like this. Had my turn. Excellent description. Cheers! Nolan