Inner Demons

Cherry

By MistakenMagic

Mon, 25 Jan 2010
  • 6952 reads
23 comments
 

There are … things
stirring within me
that I try to hide,
won’t set free.

They swirl
in my stomach
like black smoke
in glass jars.

Their white fingers
are the ribs
forming a clasp
around my heart.

These blue veins
are their hairs, anchoring,
twisting themselves
into my skin.

They are the dark flash
you sometimes catch
behind my eyes –
their sign;

They want to get out.
Now your hand is on the gate,
and I’m begging you;
don’t let them escape.

Certificate U
Conversation With My Thirteen-Year-Old Self
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Beeme on
A very emotive and powerful piece Magic. I really like the images you use, especially: "their white fingers are the ribs forming a clasp around my heart" Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thank you, Beeme! Really glad you like the images - most of them have been floating around in my head for months! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Gosh...I've only just noticed you posted this;-) I admire the clipped style in this, it suits the subject well and you have some pleasing assonance here too which is particularly well illustrated in this, the penultimate, stanza:- "They are the dark flash you sometimes catch behind my eyes – their sign;" You have worked hard on this one, Magic and in my book it has paid off. Tina xxx

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thank you so much, Tina! I know, I'm really getting into the swing of re-editing ;) I really thought this one was worth kicking into shape and I'm glad you think it's paid off! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Cavalcader on
new MistakenMagic Yes I too say images and expressive way it's done too.Definitely in the swing good editing. I like the last stanza.Enjoyed all. julie x

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thank you Julie! I'm glad you enjoyed this one ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Cavalcader on
new MistakenMagic Well deserved cherry! Yes, w all have inner feelings good and bad too. Maybe you could have been my psychologists, had I needed one. You studied too. julie xx

Submitted by shoe on
Sinister, and yet strangly beautiful, well worth the kicking,

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thank you, Shirley! :) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by tcook on
Your best for a while - and that's saying something. I like this very much indeed.

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thank you, Nathan! You're right; a lot of thought did go into this so I'm glad you think it has paid off ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Cheers, Tony! My poetry has been a little sporadic recently - and obviously there's been the Oxford baggage to wade through - but now all that's out of the way I think I'm finally starting to get back on my feet ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Firebird on
Wonderful piece ,Magic :)

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thank you, Firebird! :) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Curse of 222 on
oh no! i refuse to believe that sweet little mistakenmagic has such evil forces behind her eyes! i assume we all feel our inner demons stirring from time to time, and that's why this piece works so well. unless i'm wrong, then maybe you and i should start looking up therapists! thoroughly enjoyable (in a dark way) read. jason

jason

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
You are my therapist Jason :P Did I forget to mention that? Hehe But you are right - we all have inner demons that rear their heads occasionally ;) Glad you enjoyed this one! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Kahdai on
This is quite scary, magic, I hope people can't see my demons, but I feel them writhing about in me, just like you describe here, wonderfully, with so much feelings! I think therapist are for helping you understand your demons, perhaps you just want to keep them under control. ;) Kx

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Sorry this reply is so late! Thank you Kahdai and SundaysChild ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by drhilarius on
i'm lost for words.. i'm glad i discovered a poet like you here.. piquant.. reminds me of the visceral portrayals that stephen king does and so often talks about..

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
I'm finding myself quite lost for words too, hellbent-savage! Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work! I'm still quite shocked myself that people love my work - I've only been writing for two years, before the age of sixteen I wouldn't touch poetry with a bargepole! Now at eighteen I think I've got whiplash from how far I've come ;) Everytime I write a poem and quite like it I find myself wondering if it was really me who wrote it - like a great quote from Phillip Larkin - 'every time I write a good poem I come back and inspect it as if I've laid an egg!' Sorry I've rambled! But thank you again for your wonderful comments - you have seriously made my week! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by darkenwolf on
I,m trying to find a peice you've written that i don't like - another failiure on my part then. Brilliant as always ;)

Submitted by Cavalcader on
new darkenwolf Magic has the way, to explain a good poet. you may find plenty of mine. and a bit OTT. julie xx

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Thank you darkenwolf and Julie! I took Psychology A level but I think I'm too busy trying to figure out why I'm crazy, let alone other people ;) But if I can ever help, Julie - let me know! Magic xxx