Dealing with alcoholics

This has got to be the hardest thing I have been through, as a child I didn't understand this was an illness, not just an addiction for my mother.
I was lucky because she was lovely when drunk, whereas some are aggressive. The responsibility for caring for my mother during her illness was put on my shoulders. I went to school and I was scared of what I would come back to. There were frequent trips to the hospital and failed detox. Not to mention that she was a compulsive liar. I knew when she had had a drink, I knew all the hiding places in the house and the good thing about vodka was that I could replace it with water and she couldn't see the difference, just taste it. 
I loved my mum, she was my best-friend and this made things harder. I needed to support her through the tough times, the times she would sit and tell me she was dying; she couldn't stop drinking but wanted better for us "kids". I was the youngest, all the others had moved out of home. I was only 15 when she would try and tell me funeral plans, write us letters. She knew her body was going to give up somehow but I wouldn't listen or believe it. "Stop the nonsense mum".
 
Later that year she did pass away and a weight had been taken off my shoulders but the pain was still there, I needed her! My GCSE's we're coming up, I had break-ups with my boyfriend and then I found someone new and became pregnant after my dad had kicked me out on my 16th birthday because I became a troubled teenager. I made mistakes but I didn't know how to deal with her passing. I learned to be independent and will soon have two beautiful children as well as a beloved husband. I'm a survivor and I will do anything in my will power to not put my children through all the things I dealt with at a young age.