A Trip To Las Vegas

A Trip To Las Vegas

A friend of mine told me about a trip
he and his wife took to Las Vegas.
Here is the story as told to me.

My wife and I are in our late seventies.
We decided to go to Las Vegas for the weekend. Its been quite awhile since we have been there, so we packed up our luggage and went on our way.
Arriving there we pulled up in front of the casino where we were spending the weekend, my wife sitting next to me with a happy look on her face, said" well, we finally got here”.
Yes, It did seem like an awful long drive from L. A, to here.
As I was pulling up to the front door of the casino, I still had about another 60 ft. to get to the valet parking.
I said, honey you know if we didn't have to make those bathroom stops along the way, it wouldn't of taken as long.
Well don't look at me she said, your the one that had to stop and make your usual office calls.
Well we checked in, put all our stuff away in the room and ordered some coffee to be delivered up to the room.
After an hour or so we worked our way down to the casino.
Toward the evening we were both getting very hungry and decided on the buffet, gosh there was so much food to choose from, so we tried a little of everything, it was just great.
Then about an hour after dinner, I had gas so bad and my stomach was growling and it sounded like all hell was going to break loose.
I told my wife, who was playing a slot machine behind me, that I had to rush to the restroom, I have gas so bad that I am afraid to pass anymore of it.
She said, tell me about it I'm sitting behind you trying to win a few nickels on this machine but you making all that noise is throwing my machine off.
She said, “hurry up get over to the restroom,”
naturally the restroom had to be at the far end of the casino.
I had a hand full of nickels from the slot machine I was playing, so I stuffed them all in my shirt pocket.
I rush towards the restroom, walking like I was going to bust wide open, holding my butt with both hands, and my legs tightly squeezed together.
I shuffled and tooted all the way across the casino passing by a few of the crap tables and roulette to get to the men's room.
As I got to the entrance, there was a maintenance guy working there with a sign hanging on his cart in front of the door way,
(closed for cleaning).
As I crashed through the door way pushing the cart aside, and rushing in with my pants un-zipped and un-buckled.
I headed to the closest toilet stall having no time to put the seat down and falling partially in to the toilet bowl, then within seconds it
was over.
The maintenance guy was in the stall next to where I was, cleaning it, he yelled out, “hey we are closed”.
I thought I only had a few second before he would call security, so my reply to him was, in a very calm voice, “sorry” I had a real emergency, I'll just be a minute.
Then I heard him throw his mop and cleaning stuff in his cart and leave.
Sitting here for a few minutes I had a little chuckle thinking, as I was crossing the casino, the people gambling must of thought I sounded like a train blowing his horn as I passed by them to get here.
Well, guys were starting to come in and out so I thought I'd better get up and out of here, I was pretty much done with my business,I hoped.
Suddenly I noticed there was no toilet paper, I looked around behind me to see if there were toilet seat covers that I might use, there were none.
I had to use something, I thought if I could get my socks off I would use them.
As I bent over to take my shoes off to get to my socks the nickels that I stuffed in my shirt pocket from the slot machine I was playing, fell from my pocket and scattered all over the floor.
Finally I got the socks off and finished up. Leaving the stall I tried flushing them down the toilet, not a good idea, it plugged it up so bad that the water was overflowing and nickels were all over the floor under the water.
I swung the stall door open to leave, lucky for me no one else was in there at the time.
As I left the restroom the water was still overflowing.
I got back across the casino to were my wife was playing a slot machine.
I sat down next to her, and said “honey your not going to believe what I went through just to get across the casino and then, into the restroom”.
She said, with a big smile on her face,
"well you look thinner," and we both started laughing.
She then glanced down towards my feet and said, “where the hell are your socks”?

Story By Norman Clifford