What are you thinking?

A young couple were walking in the woods during a misty winter morning. In the distance could be heard the roar of a chainsaw, its carousel of sharp teeth racing round the central blade.

"What are you thinking?" asked the young woman.

The young man bristled. She always asked this question. And rarely did he have an answer. Either the abstraction of thought impeded him or he lost track. Sometimes he was simply blank. In all these cases she was visibly disappointed and he felt stupid and boring. This time, however, he was able to tell her.

"I was thinking about an evil genius," he began. "You are in the dark vaulted crypt of a gothic church, chained naked to a metal board suspended four feet in the air. At your feet stand two men with spikes -" He corrected himself. "Feather dusters. You are breathless from their torturing you with these dusters. The crypt is hot and sweat drips down your body, gathering round your navel and glistening in the torchlight. I'm standing opposite you being given an ultimatum by the evil genius. If I wish, I can leave now, alive, but without you. He does not specify what will happen to you but the salacious look in his eyes tells me all I need to know."

"What's the other choice?" said the young woman, her vanity piqued.

"The other choice? They will release you from your iron shackles and we will leave together."

"Why would he let you do that?" she said, her curiosity growing by the second.

"Ah, well there's a cost."

"What?! Tell me!"

"The evil genius signals to a henchman beside me who steps out of the shadows bearing a rusty...chainsaw."

"Oh my god."

"The evil genius turns to me and says I may take you and leave but ONLY if I chop off one of my feet with the rusty chainsaw. I have 30 seconds to decide or we both die."

The young man became quiet and pensive.

"Well! What did you do?" asked the young woman finally, the suspense too unbearable.

"I don't know. You interrupted and asked me what I was thinking. That was over four minutes ago. You probably just killed us."

With that, the young man wandered on, leaving behind the young woman who, mouth open, remained motionless on the path as though chained to the spot.

In the distance could be heard the sound of the chainsaw tearing through thick bark.