Third-Party Fire and Theft

In mock approbation the Constable chides
Most unwelcome these Special asides
It adds to the way that the vandal derides
Oh, what a wake-up in the morning!

"But copper, I'm stranded so what can I do?
I cannot go home and I've got to make stew,
I'm up the old creek and I'm stuck in the poo,
The bus shelter don't even have awning."

The tow-truck arrives and takes away Claude,
The lovable motor's been horribly gored
The belongings they left have been brutally pawed
So they're not even useful for pawning

The radio's a write-off, it's gone and it's lost
The glovebox's contents were casually tossed
Upon the cold tarmac. The bonnet's embossed
The windows all smashed-up and yawning

Whilst thinking by next week that Claude will be gay (as in 'happy'!)
The guy from insurance says they'll pay for f.a.
"Unless it's been burnt-out or driven away"
But now all she gets is a warning

She checks in her pockets but only finds lint
She'll just have to bus it, she's totally skint
If only she'd thoroughly read the small-print!
Her day's dark and Claudeless and mourning