Captain Beckman rallies the players with a peptalk

Here in the changing room, stars to a man, ooh
The final is looming, and glory in reach.
I'll say a quick prayer for the everyday fan who
Puts booze on our tables, and sex on the beach.

Can you turn off your mobiles? And least of all try
To here my impromptu speech?

(Aye, captain, aye!)

I weathered the storm of my humble beginning,
And broke free, and nurtured a hunger for winning.
Though somewhere, along the Versace-clad way,
Fine dining, and whining about Chardonnay . . .

Did I airbrush my friends, hang my roots out to dry?
Do you know what I'm saying, men?

(Aye, captain, aye!)

So now the time's come to give them something, guys:
Our ancestors dragged the game up as a child
And gave it the pies and the ultimate prize
Of a love to end loves, everlastingly filed.

This night lives forever! For the dead we would die!
Do I hear your agreement, troops?

(Aye, captain, aye!)

Do you pledge your allegiance, troops?

(Aye, captain, aye!)

For modern-day England, and modern-day crap,
We'll put the cartographers back on the map.
The print room that churns out the Leeds A to Z,
Will stop the press, roar, become so off its head.

Let's score for the nurses who don't get a pay rise,
Win tackles for miners they sold down the Tyne,
For wired year elevens that tired teachers chastise,
Let's make the fair heart of this country's folk shine,

Do you hear at the back! Come on. Please don't be shy.
Will you fight the good fight with me?

(Aye, captain, aye!)
I've noted your fortitude, seen your demeanour,
No skills finer honed, and no character keener,
Tonight you'll avenge whom got dealt a shit hand -
The sickly, the crazy, across our great land . . .

It's time too for sadness, a moment to cry,
Not just celebration, boys . . .

(Why, captain, why?)

'Cause now we will strike with a show of such guts
We'll lose a large part of our footballing soul!
Never will we play the same again, but
For our loyal supporters we'd sign on the dole!

Do we give it all up for the nation's last high?
Do we give for them everything?

(AYE, CAPTAIN, AYE!)