"Starlight And Miracles" (A Christmas tale)

The glow of amber light through the trolley’s window highlighted her features and accented her sadness, detectible by the tears glistening in dark lashes. The merriment of the season rang out around her but it may as well be any other day, any other mundane day for her. There was no celebration in her heart.

The deeper meaning of the season was more a kinship to her feelings than the jovial good wishes and giving of gifts; the child in the manger a circumstantial parallel to her lack of accommodation at this moment. Her own need to be cared for possibly matched that of the babe born this night too; or on whatever true night of birth it may have been and celebrated on this night.

She tucked her small cloth suitcase under the seat as the trolley rocked on its rails and wondered if it mattered which stop she disembarked at; no one would be meeting her at any stop along the route. Hindsight told her it was foolish to have let her temper control her actions; she should have demanded he leave instead of packing little and walking out. Had she taken a heartbeat and reconsidered that action, she would be warm by the fire having a sumptuous dinner and a much needed glass of fine wine, instead of freezing herself into an iceberg on this trolley to nowhere. 

His harsh words still rang in her ears along with her condemnation of her foolish heart, to have given it to him so trustingly and to have believed, in the giving, the gift would be well received and cherished. Too late she saw the folly of that belief; he'd never been after her heart, so it was not a consideration of his to cherish it; it was the wealth around her that had captured his affections.

Her parents had left her well cared for and, since she had not expected to find love at so old an age as was thirty, she was grateful for the comfort and the lack of need to look for a paltry, consolation in a convenient attachment. But then one day, there he was, smiling at her from his seat at a mutual friends Christmas Eve gathering, giving her his undivided attention for the whole of the evening.

She had not known of this kind of attention and had not known how to react to it. He’d asked for a stroll in the park and that seemed casual enough and that stroll led to days spent together doing anything her heart desired. Before she knew it, a month had passed and a request for her hand was made. She’d agreed to the betrothal believing she had found true love. True love however, had not found her!

She fidgeted in her cold trolley seat as passengers disembarked and new arrivals claimed their vacant seats. She shifted uncomfortably knowing the end of the line was just a few stops away and she had no viable plan for the night.

She could go to her Aunt Harriet’s but that was a dark home where she’d never felt welcome. Her mother’s oldest sister was strict beyond bearable. She’d have no understanding of her situation, none at all. She would tell her, in her scolding tone, “If you make a commitment, you must see it through!” That would be her advice if she knew the reasons she’d left her home tonight, but she had no aspirations of going there or telling anyone, least of all her Aunt Harriet.

The trolley driver announced the next stop would be the end of the line and she looked around to find she was the last passenger on board. When had everyone else gotten off? She was sure a moment ago there was someone next to her but now she was completely alone.

The trolley pulled up to the station and she picked up her cloth bag and walked to the front. The driver tipped his hat and wished her a jolly holiday. She gritted her teeth into an impossible smile and nodded.

Standing alone at the stop once the trolley departed, she noticed there were few houses on the street but she did see a corner bar that appeared to be filled with patrons enjoying a Christmas repast. Across from the bar she noticed a magnificent church with a tall steeple; it was lit by the glow of lamps and the light shone on a nativity scene in the church yard. She decided that was a good place to stop and rest without being questioned. She’d go there to gather her thoughts about her future, and consider her dwindling options for the night.

The church doors were open to one and all but, in spite of the cold and newly falling snow, she sat down on the stone steps of the church to ponder her existence. She sighed heavily watching the snow cover the ground, so pure, so beautiful; it was in direct contrast to the ugliness of her situation.

“You’re in a fine mess,” she mumbled.

“Are you now? And what mess is that?”

She jumped at the response and turned to see a priest standing in the doorway of the church.

“Oh, I’m sorry Father; I didn’t mean to disturb your mass.”

“Mass is at midnight and it is only half past eleven; I’ve time to hear your troubles if you’d like to unburden them,” he offered and stepped down to where she sat.

“There’s no hope of changing my troubles so no need to discuss them I’m afraid.”

He stared at her for a moment and nodded. “Starlight in the eyes can blind us from the truth.”

“What starlight; it’s snowing and the sky is covered in clouds?”

“When we see what we hope to see and not what is, that is starlight,” he elaborated.

She laughed at the perfect adage of her foolish heart. “There’s no starlight left in these eyes Father; I see the truth now but it’s too late to change what is.”

“No child, it’s never too late to change what is.”

“I’m afraid it is. The starlight is lounging in my home and has the right to claim all of it as his; he’s my husband…sorrier for that I could not be.”

“I see…but are you sure there isn’t starlight in the sky tonight?” He asked, looking up.

She lifted her head expecting to reissue her opinion but there was a star; one lone star in the heavens and it shone brightly.

“There is a star,” she said in awe, “A magnificent star.”

“Like a miracle?”

“A miracle?” She questioned with little belief but didn’t looked away from the sparkling light, “There are no such things as miracles,” she scoffed softly.

“What if there were; what miracle would you ask for?”

“I’d ask for the previous starlight to never have reached my eyes,” she answered easily and laughed at the preposterous thought of a miracle making her situation go away.

“On this night there is hope that even the darkest heart can find the light.”

“What?” She asked and turned to find the priest was gone and standing in his place was her husband. “What are you doing here?” She asked with annoyance.

“Do I know you?” He responded with a confused frown.

“Do you know me?” She was unsure if he were joking but then she heard voices from behind and turned fully around to see she was no longer on the steps of the church. She was sitting on the stoop of her friend’s townhouse. The townhouse where she’d met her husband for the first time a year ago, on Christmas Eve.

“Julia, why are you sitting out here alone on the stoop?” Her friend Deirdre asked from the open doorway of her home.

“I…I don’t know why,” she said, thinking she must have somehow fallen asleep and was dreaming all of this.

“You will catch your death out here.” A kind voice said; it was the priest standing next to her friend.

“You’re here too?” She asked with a confused shake of her head.

“I’m Father John. We’ve all came outside to see the starlight and found you here; are you here to see it too?”

“Starlight…?” She asked and looked up to see that same bright star in the heaven. She scoffed, “No, no starlight for me, thank you; I’ve had enough.”

The priest walked down the steps to stand next to her, blocking her view of the man she didn’t want to get to know, or marry. The priest smiled and there was a twinkle in his eye as he whispered, “It’s a miracle; if you wish to see it.”

Her heart leaped at the possibility that this was real. She gave the priest a hopeful look and stood up and walked over to her friend. “What day is this?” She asked.

“Silly, its Christmas Eve and I’ve invited you hoping to make you a match,” her friend whispered with a tilt of her head in the direction of the man grinning at her. It was the man she did not want to see through starlight ever again.

“No, I’m sure he isn’t suited for me Deirdre and I’m sorry you’ve gone to this trouble; you’ll have to pawn him off on someone else I'm afraid. I do appreciate your invite, but I’m going home to enjoy this wonderful night, all on my own.”

“But…I,” Deidre was confused by her spinster friend’s refusal to meet a willing and eligible bachelor and continued to stare at her oddly.

She giggled as she walked down the stoop, past the unwanted suitor, and stepped lightly onto the pavement. Her heart lightened even more as she hailed a hansom cab that was fortuitously passing by and she told the driver to take her home.

Through the widow of the cab she saw Father John smile and wave to her.

“A night for miracles; it is indeed,” she whispered as she waved back with a starlit smile.