The Jester and the Purple Toad (a tale of friendship, beans and carpetlove)
By pepsoid
- 1565 reads
“I am a jester!” said the Jester.
“And I am a purple toad,” said the Purple Toad.
“Together we are…” said the Jester.
“The Jester and the Purple Toad!” they both said in unison.
That’s not to say that either or indeed both the Jester/the Purple Toad were members of the trade union known as “UNISON,” because for one thing that would have meant writing “UNISON” in capitals (as herewith), and for another… well… they just weren’t. And with the declining popularity of trade unions these days, who even knows what UNISON (the trade union) is? (truth be told, I am only really aware of it myself, because I recall, from way back when, someone in “the family” having a pack of playing cards which said “UNISON” on the back) So…
“We,” said the Jester and the Purple Toad (for the second time, in order to resume the narrative flow) “are the Jester and the Purple Toad!”
And indeed they were!
Although it must be clarified at this point that by “Jester,” one means man in brightly coloured clothes including ridiculous hat with bells on and silly shoes, and by “Purple Toad,” one means toad of purple hue. Just to clarify. And things.
But what of these extravagant and eccentric personages? And what made them extravagant and eccentric? And why have I not mentioned their extravagance and (indeed) their eccentricity until now? Well…
Beyond the fact that one was a jester and one was a purple toad, they were extravagant and eccentric for the following reasons…
Although before I proceed with descriptions of the extravagance and eccentricity of the Jester and the Purple Toad, I wish to just point out something which the more observant amongst you may have already noticed. To whit… exclamation marks! Specifically… did you notice how when the Jester said, “I am a Jester!” there was an exclamation mark, and yet when the Purple Toad said, “And I am a purple toad,” no such grammatical exuberance existed? This was not by accident! And yet, however, when they said in unison (not the trade union), “The Jester and the Purple Toad!” the exclamation mark once again showed an appearance. Again, entirely intentional! And yet, in truth, one must explicate the fact that, in this latter declaration, the exclamation mark “belonged” (in effect) to the Jester, whereas in the case of the Purple Toad, if one had “removed” the Jester from the scene, a full stop would have sufficed. If you see what I mean. The point being (which has admittedly been arrived at in a decidedly roundabout way) that the Purple Toad was of milder manner than the Jester. This is not to denigrate the extravagance or eccentricity of the Purple Toad, but rather to say that his (for he was a “he”) extravagance and eccentricity were of a milder form than that of the Jester. So…
The Jester and the Purple Toad were extravagant! In the sense that they were flamboyant! (being the forth definition of such in the Encarta UK English Dictionary)… They were “profusely or exaggeratedly decorated, decorative, or showy”! They liked to wear fancy togs! They liked to show them off!
And they liked to decorate their abodes with fancy carpets!
Their tastes in such (carpets, that is) were different – by which I mean to say that while the Jester preferred crazy, psychedelic, Pollock-esque items of carpetry, the Purple Toad liked to cover his floors with floral motifs (albeit wildly exuberant and exceedingly colourful floral motifs). But it was their similarity in this respect (both unashamedly declaring themselves to be fancycarpetophiles), as opposed to their differences (Pollock Vs floral), which was the spark that ignited their friendship. And what a friendship it was! Who ever knew a jester and a toad (of purple or any other hue) to experience such delight at being in each other’s company? I challenge thee to find any other jester/toad partnership of such enduring and intense joy and trust and loveliness! I would, in fact, stake my entire PS2 game collection (except perhaps Final Fantasy XII) on your inability to do so… such is my assuredness of the strength of the bond between these two fellows! And what a basis upon which it is based! Carpets! Fancy ones! Who’d’ve thought?
So…
The Jester and the Purple Toad were also eccentric! But I think that’s pretty self-evident, isn’t it? So returning to the carpets…
And the beans!
Carpets and beans!
Was that a sharp intake of breath I heard?
I believe twas so! For carpets and beans are never… never… destined to exist in a happy union (not a trade one)! But if they do come into contact… and if they do so in the context of two friends who share a mutual ardour for extravagant (and eccentric) floor coverings… what shall be the outcome? And thus (finally!) begins the tale of the Jester and the Purple Toad…
* * *
One day (which was pretty much like any other), the Jester picked up the phone, dialled a certain number and said…
“Hey, Purple Toad!”
At which came the response…
“There’s no one here by that name. I think you have the wrong number.”
At which the Jester said, “Sorry,” hung up, dialled another certain number (a different one) and said…
“Hey, Purple Toad!”
At which came the response…
“Hey, Jester.”
“How dost thou fare, Purple Toad?” said the Jester.
At which the Purple Toad said, “What’s with the Shakespearian verbiage, dude?”
“Since when did you start calling me ‘dude,’ Purple Toad?”
“Since I bought a new carpet…”
“Please expand…”
“Very droll…” said the Purple Toad (who was one of those toads who can make his chin go really big and make a big booming noise). “But to respond to your request in the non-literal sense… since I bought a new carpet with sk8ing motifs.”
“Skating motifs?” said the Jester.
“No… sk8ing motifs.”
“That’s what I said!”
“You have to pronounce the ‘8’.”
“I’ve never been that au fait with txtspk.”
“Well never mind… anyway, you wanna come round to my pad and check out my new carpet… dude?”
“You mean your lily pad?”
“Oh stop…”
The Jester went round to the Purple Toad’s abode.
* * *
“Groovy carpet!” said the Jester.
“Hmm… yes… ‘groovy’ indeed,” said the Purple Toad.
“But what happened to your love of floral motifs?”
“Floral motifs are so 2009.”
“But it’s still 2009.”
“Whatever, dude!”
“So…” said the Jester (who was rapidly tiring of this whole “dude” palaver) – “how about a bite to eat?”
“Beans?” suggested the Purple Toad.
“On toast?” elaborated the Jester.
“Okay, but be careful not to get it on the new carpet,” said the Purple Toad.
“Groovy!” said the Jester.
* * *
So beans on toast was prepared, served and eaten.
All was good in the Abode of the Purple Toad.
Until the Jester spilt some beans on his new sk8ing motif carpet.
“Like, omygod, due!” said the Purple Toad. “Look what you’ve done!”
“Oops…” said the Jester.
“Oops indeed,” said the Purple Toad.
“Do you think our friendship can survive this?” said the Jester.
“Hmm…” said the Purple Toad.
[ fin ]
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This is Jester fairy tale!
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