la la turtle

 

 

'Ang on, thought the turtle. I'm stuck!

 

And stuck 'e was!

 

Though how he came to be stuck was a mystery.

 

Happily swimming, he was, in a tank at Barnett's Hill Garden Centre... when suddenly...

 

 

And here he was.

 

 

 

 

He wasn't a particularly religious turtle, as turtles went. I think it is fair to say, however, that he was of a more spiritual bent than most reptiles.

 

Why am I here? - he was occasionally known to wonder, whilst nibbling idly on a bit of green stuff that may have been seaweed or the plastic arm of an Army Man that had been accidentally dropped in the tank (turtles have difficulty distinguishing between such things, until of course the plastic gets caught in the throat and has to be coughed up, which isn't a pretty sight, as I am sure you will agree if you have ever seen a turtle cough up a bit of green Army Man).

 

Where are the boundaries of the universe? - he was also known to wonder.

 

Of course, no one responded to his wonderings.

 

 

 

 

Let's call him 'Tim'.

 

Tim the turtle felt decidedly glassy. And when the sun shone through him, his form was displayed in all its multi-coloured reptilian glory upon the smooth terracota stone of the aisle.

 

'Ey oop - thought Tim; although it occurred to him that phrases like, Glory be upon high! would be more appropriate in such circumstances.

 

("the light of holy redemption shines through you, young fella me lad..." - said a voice in his head, although God knew whose voice it was)

 

"'Ang on," said Tim - for lo, it transpired that now - praise be to the heavenly host! - he could speak! And behold, his voice was that of an angel! "Is that God?"

 

"Yay!" said the voice, which had now been released from the shackles of parentheses, on account of Tim's recognition of its true nature. "And verily, me lad!"

 

"But why," said Tim, "do you sound like a Yorkshireman?"

 

"Eee by 'eck, y'got me right sussed there..." said the voice.

 

And...

 

 

Tim was back in the tank.

 

 

 

 

Well that was weird - thought Tim; but in Turtlish now, as he was no longer a stained glass turtle stuck in a church in Yorkshire.

 

 

***