Larry and Mick Decide to Defect...

Larry and Mick Decide to Defect, Then Realise There's Nowhere to Defect to, What With the Cold War Being Over'n'all, so Have a Ham Sandwich Instead

'I'm bored,' said Larry, as he sat before a large, free-standing mirror on the dining room table, plucking out the hairs between his eyebrows with a pair of tweezers he had found behind his right ear, when he had been searching for a pencil he was sure he had left there, only to realise that it no longer existed, due to the fact that he had sharpened it away to nothing, along with two-hundred-and-thirty-six other pencils, at the National Pencil Sharpening Tournament held at the N.E.C. in Birmingham last Wednesday, at which he had won third prize of a nice, shiny badge and a year's supply of pencils, which, in a pique of altruism, he had donated to the charity, Catteries in Need of Pencils, only to later regret it when he realised he had nothing to write with. 'Shall we defect?'
'Defect?' said Mick, as he sliced a lemon. 'Where to?'
'Get out your map,' said Larry, as he finished plucking the hairs between his eyebrows and replaced the pair of tweezers behind his right ear, which, as it happens, was swollen to the size of a basketball, due to a freak accident involving a staple remover and a packet of Custard Creams, which was handy in some ways, as it meant that he was rendered unrecognisable when he turned to one side, thus enabling him to avoid being seen by the Nurbet Brothers, to whom he owed £5.45, but less so in others, for example when it got a bit nippy and he was unable to wear a hat, so he had to wrap his scarf around his ear, which quite frankly looked a bit ridiculous, even more so than having a pair of tweezers behind his ear (swollen or otherwise).
'Okay,' said Mick, as he put the lemon slices in a box.
Mick then got out his map, as Larry removed the mirror from the table, then laid it out before them.
'Hmm,' said Mick, as he leaned over the map and pondered.
'What?' said Larry.
'It would appear,' said Mick, 'that there is nowhere to defect to, what with the Cold War being over'n'all.'
'Shall we have a ham sandwich instead?' said Larry.
'Nah, I'm not hungry,' said Mick.
And so they didn't.

[ fin ]