My Dog is Not a B*ll*ck Coaster!

When you're sitting in my chair,
Be careful what's already there.
Don't rest your bits on my spaniel's head,
Because my dog is not a bollock coaster!

And when you feel like cooking bread,
Be careful what you cook instead.
Don't mistake the breadbin for a hutch,
Because my grill is not a rabbit toaster!

But hey! Don't feel paranoid.
I'll try not to be annoyed
When you reach into my gerbil's cage.
I'll try not to be consumed with rage.
When I sit down for my tea
And witness what's before me,
I'll try not to stand and scream out loud...
My oven is not a rodent roaster!