Ten Utterly Pointless Questions That Are Asked in Offices

By pepsoid

Thu, 27 Sep 2007
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  1. “Have you had a haircut?”… to which the only sensible response would be “Yes” or indeed, on the more controversial side of the spectrum, “No.”
  2. “Have you got a cold coming on?” (normally following a bout of two or more sneezes)… responses as above, with the possible variations of “I don’t know” or (humorously) “No, I’m just allergic to X” - where X could be “the office,” “computers,” “paperwork” or whatever is appropriate to the situation.
  3. “Is that nice?” (referring to whatever you are eating at the time)… to which one is most likely to respond “Mnngff,” on account of the fact that one is eating.
  4. “Are you on your lunchbreak?”… a truly pointless question, on account of the fact that it makes not the slightest jot of difference whether the response is in the affirmative or the negative, as it will be followed by a “request” to perform a certain work-related task in either case. A variation on the theme, which negates the need of a response, is the classic “I know you’re on your lunchbreak, but…”
  5. “Are you busy?”… similarly to the above, one might as well say “Aardvarks,” for all the good it will do.
  6. “Did you have a good weekend?”… only serves a conversational purpose if you truly did have a “good weekend,” but in all likelihood the weekend just gone was exactly the same as the previous one, so the only appropriate response would be “Yes, thanks.”
  7. “How are you?” / “Are you alright?” / “You doing okay?”… answer honestly? Not on your nelly!
  8. “Any questions?” (following a tedious, sleep-inducing, Powerpoint-infused meeting (usually of the monthly “Team Briefing” variety))… not if you want to escape from the room with your sanity intact!
  9. “Can I borrow your stapler/pen/holepunch?”… what if I said “No”?
  10. “Do you want a cup of tea?”… well, duh.
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