The pause before the jump (part 2)

Sometime later, I was sitting in the grass with Sam. He was trying to roll a cigarette, but his hands were shaking pretty badly. He was on some kind of incoherent rant, about how Quentin Tarantino was a tragically misunderstood film director, how his films were pretty much all about love, and how all the blood and people dying was a way of hiding his poetic sensibility, because he didn’t want people to think he was as a pussy or anything. To be perfectly honest, I was only half listening. I kept being distracted by her laugh across the garden. She was still sitting at the table, and the guy next to her kept giving her these really unsubtle looks which kind of made me want to puke, and touching her arm and her shoulder, and she laughed at all his corny jokes, like he was the funniest guy in the world. The whole thing depressed the hell out of me, it really did, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. And anyway, I didn’t want to leave Sam alone, I’d found him retching his guts out in the toilets, and even that hadn’t sobered him up too much. I mean I’d pretty much had to carry him outside so that he could get some fresh air and not drown in his own puke or anything.

“Are you… are you even listening to me?”

I turned to Sam, and realised he was waiting for me to say something. He’d given up trying to roll his cigarette, so I took out one of my straights and gave it to him. I was starting to run low.

“Yeah, Tarantino, you’re right, he’s a real poet, I see what you mean.”

“No… “ he said, pretty much talking to himself, “I said… I said she’s doing it on purpose.” his hands were fumbling in his pockets, looking for something.

“What do you mean, she’s doing it on purpose?”

“Where’s my… D’you have a lighter?”

“No, listen, what do you mean, she’s doing it on purpose?”

“I mean…” he started, and then stopped and looked up at me before going on, “I mean, what are you going to do about it, huh? What the fuck are you going to do? Are you going to fucking charge in on your… on your mighty steed, and, and slay the dragon, and then just fucking ride off with her into the sunset? Huh? Is that what you’re going to do?”

And then he just burst out laughing, like it was the funniest thing in the world, and he sort of slapped me on the shoulder, in a good natured sort of way. He had this real loud, in-your-face kind of laugh when he was drunk. It annoyed the hell out me. But I couldn’t even get too mad at him, because suddenly his laugh broke into a coughing fit, and for a few seconds he just coughed and coughed, and practically choked himself unconscious. Finally, he caught his breath, and let out this really long sigh. He turned to me and said, in this wheezy, broken voice:

“I’m tired, I’m going home.”

He’d finally found his lighter, so he lit his cigarette, and tried to get up, but he lost his balance and fell back down. I was tempted to laugh, but I kind of held it back. It wasn’t all that funny to be honest.

“Don’t move, I’ll be back in a second,” I told him, “We’ll get you home.”

I made my way towards the table, and sat down next to her, kind of resting my hand on her shoulder. She stopped listening to the guy next to her, and looked me straight in the eyes, without even bothering to warn me, so for a second I felt like I was falling through space. I had the sudden urge to just brush my lips against her collarbone, but I didn’t dare. I think I’ve spent most of my life not daring to do what I want.

“I’m going.” I said.

“Already?”

“Sam’s not feeling well”

“We should see each other again before you leave.”

I didn’t answer, I just took out a cigarette and then remembered she still had my lighter. She laughed, and lit it for me.

“It’s been such a long time…” She went on, in this really earnest voice.

I looked up at her, and smiled a little. She really was a sight.

“Sure,” I said “Sure, text me when tomorrow.”

She smiled then, the fullest most innocent smile you’ve ever seen, and I knew right then, I knew I was done for. She put her fingers around the back of my neck and planted a kiss on my cheek, which bloomed pretty much immediately, irrigated by a sudden rush of blood to my face. She noticed the unnatural redness, and it made her laugh with pleasure. I got up, and went to look for Sam.