More winds

He wasn't there waiting
He never will be
I have decided upon impossibility

I want to invite him
to plunge himself intomyflesh
Bury his body
in my soft juicy folds
Feel the muscles and sinews of me
move and shudder together
Sweaty Sleepy Kisses
All over

All over
That's how this has to turn
Blown away
My head is. Blown. Away

He won't be there waiting
Eager
Full of adoration and soul flowers
He won't bother about me
The way I want him to
Long for him to

Serial disappointment
has taught me
that dreams are dreams
And that all I really have is me.
I am
Finally
Not
a disappointment
to myself

I waited patiently
All this time
I nourished my own soul

"Love"
Finally it seems
Is not what I want after all
not that love
the rollercoaster that spirals deep underground

I don't want to be swept away
Again.

I have so carefully grown these roots
Thick. Creaking. Roots
In myself
I don't want the basis of my reality-
Torn apart
again.
Roots
nourishing huge magnificent flowers
Branches
all the better from the inside
Not given -
earned
Hard Earned.
what do I need?
I need me

He
is a chemical imbalance
knee trembling
unethical impossibility
forbidden fruit
That's all
An idea
a hormonal biological match
That's all
That is all
He is not worth losing everything over

Unless

when I see him
and my knees give way
and my head is blown
and swept
and I tremble with incapable desire
unless my roots unearth with the gale he blows
with the brush he sweeps

I must

See him

and walk away

Get on with my life
Wait for the next one
The next one