Only we Know...

Gold cherry

By PoetonaHill

Tue, 19 Sep 2017
  • 2653 reads
13 comments
 

 Only we Know...

The stranger did not start the fight today.
New man in town, come looking for a job,
he prayed for God to take the gang away.

He’d find some digs, a place to plan and stay,
but found himself confronted by the mob.
The stranger did not start the fight today.

Demanding cash and cards they barred his way.
When blows were thrown by devil-snarling yob
he prayed for God to take the gang away. 

They classed him as a thing that they could slay
in mindless hate, a cur to beat and rob.
The stranger did not start the fight today. 

Their feet and fists flew frenzied in the fray.
In fear he fought and felled a drunken slob.
He prayed for God to take the gang away. 

Now, left alone with corpse as cold as clay,
a figure kneels, still choking on a sob.
The stranger did not start the fight today.

 

Certificate 12
Poem
Drama

Comments

Submitted by airyfairy on

The rhythm and rhyming scheme really draw the reader in to the story, and convey the sense of being trapped.  Very sad.  

Submitted by PoetonaHill on

Thanks airyfairy

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Very moving and, sadly, vivid of stupid hate that happens. Skilful use of form too. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by PoetonaHill on

Thanks Rhiannon

 

Submitted by PoetonaHill on

Thanks for the cherry

 

Submitted by fatboy74 on

airyfairy has described it so well and I couldn't agree more. Congratulations, this is our Facebook/Twitter  pick of the day. Please like and share if you enjoyed it too.

 

Submitted by PoetonaHill on

Many thanks

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

I hate it that he prays to God and is not answered, and in the last verse kneeling, like with prayer, but beside a corpse. Feel lost at the end. Very strong message

 

 

Submitted by PoetonaHill on

Hi D i - I agree. But my old granny told me that, "God answers every prayer - sometimes the answer is no."

 

Submitted by Ray Schaufeld on

Wow. Grim tale of how the stranger, Jesus, St Joan or any new person in town can be put to death by the unknowing or uncaring hostile mob. Needed to read twice to realise that the stranger kills someone in self-defence. That is believable and works as part of the story.

You use the alluring but deceptively hard structure of the vilanelle very well.

Submitted by celticman on

the braying mob takes many forms. 

 

Submitted by PoetonaHill on

True. They move with the times. They're all over the internet now.

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Ha I'd not heard that. Sort of like a publisher being given manuscripts for future lives and putting them on the reject pile. "That would make a much better tragedy" "This would make great comedy" "You want such and such? BORING!"