Waste Disposal

There's a man who comes into my house
And hides behind the loo,
He waits there while I have a dump
And photographs my poo.
I've told him I don't like it
And I've said he has to stop
But still he sits there quietly
And waits until I plop.
I called the local coppers
But they said "It's your affair
If there's men inside your toilet -
Frankly, we don't even care!"
So I placed a call to the Marines
And said "Please send a Navvie!"
But they were killing foreigners
So couldn't guard my lavvie.
The man was still there hiding
So I called in the Sicillians
But they said to knock the pervert off
Would cost me several millions
And so still I've got a geezer
Crouching down behind my bog
Pointing cameras at my faeces,
Taking photos of each log,
I think I'll have to kill him
Maybe drown him in the bowl
Then chuck him with his camera
Down a deep and rancid hole
Yes I think I'll have to kill him
It's the only thing to do
If I want to sit in blissful peace
And quiet while I poo.