I dreamed a dream, cursed are my thoughts.

It wasn’t me he thought:
He spoke,
Lying; defeat:
A prison he didn’t wish to share.
Barred from any dignity or resurrection;
Barren was his night, a heart no longer able to bear.

He thought he’d just carry on
You know, make a home; make a life,
Marry someone he loved.
Make his night day…

Borrow some meaning from his future
He tried to explain the past.
Tried to rectify wrongs
Justified, but couldn’t last.

Tempted to leave, he wouldn’t;
Realised he could be making a bed
Of nails, a rod for his own back;
“Press along saint press along.”
Jesus will surely come back??

Reluctant he stayed; told himself
This is my home, my castle, my fortress
The place where I am king:
Believe? Me? I don't any more.

No more manic street preachers
At his door, no ceremonies
Or promissory notes
That needed to be capitalized on.
No long love affair that would last till that bright morn.

A long for depart, to a world less
Plagued; less lonely, somewhere where his
Dreams wouldn’t die. Somewhere where
Angels could fly.

If only this ceiling could show through to the clouds
The walls which crowded,
Broken down:
If God was really speaking, then why couldn’t he hear?
If God really cared why didn’t he see this coming?

Over one hurdle, chin up, he wouldn’t cry.
Spent time in solitude believed a demon
Wouldn’t lie;
Shed tears over friends
And family who never cared:
Had so much to give
Drowned in
Memories of his prodigal wonderings:

If God collected tears the oceans would drown.
If God knew his thoughts He would surely curse…
Curse the ground he walked on.
Cursed he the day he was born.

If God built a sanctuary in his heart
Where Satan could no longer attack,
Pierce with his darts;

Would you believe if I told you?
From a heart bleeding from wounds
That belonged to someone else.
A mind that had dreams
Others lived out? , blessed is this field.
Cursed is the city; curse this man and his dreams.

Blessed the ones that hurt
The fruit of his loins;
Bless those who show no mercy.
He thought, blessed are the ones who hurt you.
Through my father’s neglect, now I live out his life.