Eight Months Clean

I am scared.

I am scared of leaving the past.
I am scared of losing the protection.

I am scared of what is going to happen.
Now the pills have all gone
I am scared of taking other drugs.

The bad ones.

I am scared of what will happen if I do.
I am scared of what will happen if I don't.

I am scared, scared, scared.

I am scared of sex.
Of my job.
Of money.
Of having a place to live.

I am scared at the thought of having these things.
I am scared at the thought of not.

I am scared of dying.
And I am scared of living.