Keepers

I know I am not supposed to do this.
I grit my teeth and hold on.

I try and try and try.

I'm clean and sober.

It's not good enough.
I am lost and so lonely.

I keep thinking of better times.
Of Ronnie's,
of Brighton,
of Southend,
and even Sardinia.

The warmth
of your hand,

The spring
in your step.

I lost you because
we were vein.

I lost you because
I paid little attention.

I lost you because
I made a mess in the bathroom,
could not control the cash,
or that coffee pot.

I lost you because I took and never gave.

I lost you because,
I did not
lick,
bite,
or enquire enough.

I lost you because,
I never had change for the 59 bus,
or a glass of beer.

I want to look you in the eye.
Tell you all this and more.

So much more.

I lost because of the Jew in you.
Ripped pockets on a jacket.
Tradition, Tradition, Tradition.

I lost you because of your friends.
Their shame and not mine.

I lost you through drugs, lies, ego.

And did we ever stop and think?

I lost you to someone else.

Who may stay,
or not.

Finder's keepers.