Shame

Thank you so much for your kind words about this poem.

 
The poem was written over an extended period of time and was the start of a deep personal change for me. It’s complicated. The poem was due to be an international commission with a group of fine writers from around the world in partnership with several global literature festivals. The brief was to write with the prompt ‘Diversity in Different Contexts’. For unknown reasons, the project has never come into fruition which has been very disappointing, and for me personally, confidence sapping. I knew that when I started writing the work I was creating something important, not just for me, but perhaps for others.  I’ve tried with the poem to leave everything on the page so it does not need explaining as to what it is about. This is rightly or wrongly my ethos to writing and one I try to convey when I teach poetry and creative writing. Prior to writing the piece, I had been suffering from a severe mental illness and the composition of the poem unlocked that illness to some kind of wellness.  The writing of this became an obsession. I trawled soul and disco records, researched historical incidents and studied the geography of my hometown. I walked and mapped the streets and rooms of Basildon again and again in my head. After a period of a few months I thought the poem was complete but then there was another shocking event in my life, the tragic death of my brother, Joseph. This made me look at the poem again and made me change elements of it, I felt I had to go even deeper with my feelings. Although my brother is not referenced in the poem, he is inside it. I’m sad that the original commission never saw the light of day and that a wider audience will never get to read it. But, if anything, this poem made me well. That I wasn’t too late.

 
For my brother and all the dancers xx