THE SHRIMPS: A SCENE

SCENE: THE BACK TABLE OF THE COPPER BANGLE BRASSARIE. REDONDO BEACH. LOS ANGELES. CALIFORNIA

LULU: They do top banana shrimp here Charlie. Matt told me.

CHAS: I don't like shrimp Lulu, I'll have steak.

LULU: It's a fish restaurant Chas for crying out loud. Not a kebab house.

DAN: Lulu, got a Cigarette?

CHAS: Dan, you prick, we are in LA.

DAN: Yeah, we can Hoover massive lines of ching off the dinner table big time out here, but not have a fag. What a fuckin’ country.

CHAS: Would they do me a steak if I gave them an extra twenty?

LULU: Right you two lets get this clear. No steak and no cigarettes, and if one of you mentions drugs again I'll stuff a crab right up your arses. We are meeting our baby brother Matthew remember that. This ain’t Walthamstow!

DAN: Not yet it ain’t.

CHAS: Yeah, like he's innocent. I wonder if we could swing it if I offered twenty extra for the steak and if Dan offered ten for the fag facilities.

LULU: Oi! The word fag means something else around here, please refrain from use it. What do you mean that Matthew is not an innocent?

CHAS: Come on Lulu! You know that he was no angel before he came out here. Fingers in all sorts of pies and pulling out all sorts of plums as well. Dan, do you remember the night he carved Jimmy Swan for a bad debt with a smashed bottle of Babycham?

DAN: Yeah, it wasn't Babycham though. More like Pink Lady, know what I'm saying and there are plenty of pink ladies in this room Charlie boy, right up Matty's alley eh?

LULU: That's enough you bastards. Matty’s an artist. We are here because he has paid for us to come over. Cost him a fortune I reckon. All you two can do is slag him. How many people you know get to work with Tom Cruz and Brittany Pears eh?

DAN: It's Tom Cruise and Britney Spears you knobber. God I need a fag.

LULU: No its not, it's Cruz and Pears, Matthew sent me the video, its in my bag. I thought that we could all watch it together later back at the hotel.

CHAS: Video! What video? Where is it? That man at the next table keeps looking at me and I think the fucker has got steak!

LULU: This video. 'Star Whores Three. The Redemption'. He’s got tuna by the way.

DAN: I don't believe it. I just don't believe it! Matt's making porn. Right I'm having a fag, they will have to throw me out these wimps. What a geezer.

LULU: Put that out now! Porn? What are you talking about? This is legit. It's got Tom Cruz in.

CHAS: Of course it's got Tom Cruz in you silly mare. CRUZ and not CRUISE, PEARS and not SPEARS and if that is tuna then I'm Kevin Bacon.

DAN: It's porn sister. Fuck! Here he is. Matty! How are you bruv? How about this for starters, twenty dollars for a beer and they won't let you smoke.

CHAS: Matt! You are looking a bit bling. What's the score with the food here then mate?

LULU: Matthew. When you said Tom Cruz and Brittany Pears...

CHAS: Are you wearing makeup Matt? Dan. Our little brother has got eye shadow on.

DAN: Fuck this. My brothers a fag. I'm having a fag and a line. Where's the bog?

LULU: No I ain't having the shrimp Matthew. Hang on Dan I'm coming with you.

CHAS: Not without me you ain't. I'm carrying the gear. Come on. You prat Matt.

MATTHEW: Fuck em.

FADE TO BLACK

THE END