Apples of democracy.

At some point last night I fell into the kingdom of dreams, a turbulent little spot that can engender confusion, fear or the deepest of disappointing pleasures for those who happen upon it. There I was chosen to chair an emergency debate in the Italian Parliament which was meeting in Cairo where it had been exiled due to an outbreak of cholera.

The issue upon which the deputies were to rule was whether the term “Apples of Democracy” was a suitable euphemism for both breasts and testicles when discussing Renaissance statuary which offered generous displays of such fruit.

It was suggested that the term could be applied to either since it included the word democracy, but Gina Lollobrigida objected on the grounds that that sort of ambiguity could lead to great confusion.

The Chief Snipe from the Naples House of Papal Eunuchs said, “we don’t really give a damn since one sort of apples is forbidden to us and the other sort we don’t have”. Then the parliamentary recorder took ill so I took notes myself but later had to step down from the role because I forgot how to spell democracy, and much opprobrium was heaped upon my head.

Anyway I’m back in Belfast now though the issue remains undecided.