Mixed motives, mixed metaphors

Cherry

By Rhiannonw

Tue, 01 Dec 2015
  • 7219 reads
20 comments
 

Harmonious surface
but, don’t look beneath –
undercurrents flow
– suspicion and resentment
of things they think they know
– no checking out, just whispers,
and so the rumours grow
and fester fast, and foster
gossip, slander, sneers,
uncaring of false smears,
and fragile, tender hearts in tears.

Oh, let decay and decadence
drop down, sink fathoms deep
to form a quicksand-sludge
that sucks in filth to keep
it locked away from leer and nudge
and tittle-tattle trite of spite
destroying reputations, aspirations,
by twisted, sly aspersions,
inflating failings out of fair proportions
as if the judges, prattlers were pure
and innocent before they spread
and magnified the true and false manure.

So, if you take delight, promote
another’s downfall, think, take care
or by the measure that you judge
you will be weighed, and
may such tumble share,
and do not hide the hatreds that you bear
beneath a smiling surface fair.

[IP: "Look beneath the surface"]

Certificate U
Poem
Christian, Biblical
Philosophy
Love
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by MarciaMarcia on

I really do love this...darkness.  Rhiannonw. 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, Marcia – I take it it's not the darkness that you love, but its exposure and removal rather than continuance! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by MarciaMarcia on

Clarity...yes!  Thank you. The way you exposed the darkness which exists, the words and their placements, is what I love and reread. Does exposure remove the exposed? I believe that it gives relief from continuance.  MarciaMarcia

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

a pleasure to read the words tripping into themselves in this Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you very much insert, and for the cherries (brightening up a dark subject, and maybe helping to sweeten the undercurrents! ). Some of the word combinations/alliterations gave me pleasure, too. I'd had thoughts of a lighter use of the IP, but it was this serious subject that took off in the end. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Brilliantly executed, Rhiannon.  A cornucopia of literary delight.  As insert rightly says 'words tripping into themselves'.

Tina

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Oh, thank you, Tina, I'm so glad you found it so! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by torscot on

Hello Rhia.

This reminds me of the House of Parliament, plus some who live in the village.

Regards

torscot

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Oh, torscot, I think it has a far wider application – among some who slander (or are glad to throw stones at ) some hard-working, if fallible, MPs even! And as for village life, yes, I was remembering some comments by 'Miss Marple' of her 'St Mary's Mead' that people didn't realise the same problems lurked beneath a pretty exterior as in the cities. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Pat G on

I love the word play here. Great reading it out aloud.

A dark and bitter subject ; one thought as I read and re-read; the word manure.  I was desperate to use a slightly less polite four-letter word in the poem's context.

Submitted by Pat G on

I love the word play here. Great reading it out aloud.

A dark and bitter subject ; one thought as I read and re-read; the word manure.  I was desperate to use a slightly less polite word, in the poem's context. Although that would mess up the metre and rhyme pattern.

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, Pat. Another good use of metre then! Maybe it is the politeness of the surface of what is being said that means people listen more not realisng it is pernicious rumour? Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Bee on

Wonderful word play, Rhiannon, and sounds toward the end, rather Shakespearian with much truth thrown in with the pleasure of the words, very much enjoyed.   

Bee

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, Bee. I did enjoy playing with the words as you can tell, and felt they gave weight to the subject. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Rhiannon

I too enjoyed reading this for the pleasure of the words themselves giving weight to the subject matter.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Ah thanks, Jean, I seem to have borrowed your phrase in replying to Bee! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

It looked to me as if you really worked hard on this piece Rhiannon, it has good rhythm and you've made great use of words, giving each one a character of its own.

I also agree with Bee, it did have a Shakespearian quality to it.

Very much enjoyed reading.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

That's interesting. Thanks, Jenny. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Exactly!!! Yes, you're right, Rhiannon.

Parson Thru

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, and as I said I liked your neat picture with its contrasts! Rhiannon