The Pranksters

‘I’ve got a bucket of mayonnaise!’
said Barnaby,
returning from the Cash & Carry
with a bucket of mayonnaise.
He crashed it
down on the table
sending Rummikub tiles everywhere.
‘A bucket of mayonnaise,’ Neil laughed,
shaking his onion-shaped head.
‘Only a nutter like you
would come back from the Cash & Carry
with a bucket of mayonnaise!’
Barnaby sat on the couch
with a can of Lilt.
‘I reckon we could get up to some pretty serious mischief
with this.’
And they both sat there
grinning at the bucket of mayonnaise.

Hours later,
Neil coughed blood in a lightless alley
while distant sirens wailed.
‘I wish I’d never set eyes on that
bucket of mayonnaise!’ he spluttered,
clutching a swatch of wet card
to his sucking chest wound.
‘Shh,’ said Barnaby,
reloading.