Dr. Pepper

(the following is a transcript of the last words of Jim Lincoln
Jefferson)

It's hard not to marvel at the wonder of Dr. Pepper. Ah... here it is.
A 36 ounce cup of bubbly, black bliss. I like Dr. Pepper cause it's
fiery, raw and black like me.

And I've got a fat, juicy giant steak. Yeah, I'm dousing it in steak
sauce.

Yeah, cracker, that's right. Hurry up with those fries.

Now, to whoever's listening to this tape, some people would tell you a
meal like this isn't good for you. But it's so delicious. And I tell
you, someone in my situation lives every day for it's own sake.

(chew, chew, smack, smack)

But, heck, I'm a wise man. I always lived like this. I always ate the
giant, bloody steak. I always drank the Doctor Pepper. And when
somebody crossed me, I let 'em have it.

Back then, I was a truck driver for Dr. Pepper. I was a good truck
driver. I mean, yeah, half my truck was always full of drugs. But they
paid better than the Dr. Pepper.

(loud repeated belching)

And when those two pigs pulled me over and searched my truck, I let
'em have it. I just did what I felt. I kept it real.

I know the reporters say it was bad how I left them screaming to
dissolve in a giant vat of Dr. Pepper. But they interfered with my
right to conduct business.

And I tell you, dying's not so bad. I've done a million wicked things
in my life. And the only thing I regret is that I couldn't live to do a
million more. Oh, what a steak. Bloody like I told 'em.

Another steak please, pig.

Tommorow, when they shave my hair and have me all ready to barbecue,
they're gonna ask me for my last words and I'm just gonna say, "Keep it
real. Dr. Pepper."