Oct. 15, 2005

I'm getting ready to leave for Thailand in a few days. I'll be teaching English at a university there, in a city known for Buddhist temples. I've been suffering from anxiety and depression, to the point that I often freeze up in crucial situations or occasionally even sabotage my own projects. Nonetheless, my recent life has been blessed with many small joys. Yesterday, I took a walk in Lithia Park, which is always beautiful during the Fall. There, I saw a smallish tree that was positively awash in fire-orange leaves.

Afterwards, I walked to Starbucks, where I got a canned double shot, which is decently mediocre. I sat on an easy chair and gazed at this colorful mural. In the background, there are hills of purple and forest green. In the foreground, there are many happy figures, making music, chatting, flirting... and drinking coffee. A long haired blonde youth sits on a tiger.
Also, as I was sitting in the jacuzzi the other day, I saw a black bird fly overhead. As he passed by, he had a twitching fit but nonetheless flew on, apparently sound.
Anyway, I'm nervous about this job. I have no real teaching experience and I don't know much Thai, though I've been studying it today. A positive element of the job is that I'll only have 18 hours a week in the classroom.
I read some Thoreau not too long ago and really admired many of his ideas. One thing that he said is that life isn't worth much unless one has the spirit and happiness to truly live it. I hope and pray that I have the courage to live happily... or die trying.