A kind of therapy

I am ready
with my
list

I am prepared
to cry
at last

to shed the load
accumulated,
considered
for too long now

today will be the
breakthrough
I know it
I feel it

and then

the longed-for speck of light,
extinguished
in an instant

when she calls to cancel
an hour before
I leave

a coffee and doughnut
poor substitutes -

or maybe not

as in
the middle of
a crowded shopping centre

I begin to cry
coffee doughnut
tears

and they drip
and fall and puddle
as I sit helpless

my feast abandoned
until I'm all
cried out

knowing
next week's session
will be like always

the same old me
all self-control and painted
smile

and she will never
know I had it
in me