Eish! London 23 June

Tuesday, 23 June
Freedom Prayer Night. Boy was I nervous! Is that normal? Nervous to go to church and be prayed over? Maybe it was because I knew that the group would be focusing on me and my thoughts and God’s thoughts on me. My mistakes, what I haven’t quite managed to get right by others standards, silly things in the past. Would God focus on that? Would the group focus on that? Would my own inner problems and frustrations at so many things get in the way of finding my purpose?

What if they are actually a cult group and they are going to try and get me into their ways? No, I’m being melodramatic; the church sessions I’ve been to (only two mind you) have appeared Christian. Trish seemed really sweet, honest and welcoming. She had raved about Freedom Prayer and what it had done for her. No, I’m not going to a cult thing. Oh dear, what have I signed up for this time?

I arrived at the church and everything was quiet as little groups of people were scattered around the hall. A lady silently gestured towards a table of tea, coffee or juice. I politely, with a nervous smile shook my head to say no thank-you. She gestured to the couch and I took a seat. I started praying that all would be ok.

A little while later Trish came over to greet me and took me to the group who were to pray over me. The two seated ladies seemed friendly and welcoming, and we had a bit of an introduction (nervous chatter on my part!). (Interestingly 3 of the 4 of us were South African.) Trish explained that all I needed to do was sit and relax (easier said than done!) while they ask God: 1) How does God see Shannan? 2) What’s holding Shannan back from her potential? They were going to write notes as God spoke to them to answer the questions.
“We don’t know what will come out of the session. It could be visions, or songs or passages or anything like that. When we are all finished we’ll tell you what we saw and you can decide what it means to you.” she explained. She looked at me reassuringly, showing that I didn’t have to do this if I didn’t want to; “Is that alright?” She asked
I smiled meekly and nodded, not daring to say anything. I was in God’s hands as I sat there, isn’t that the most perfect place to be?

We bowed our heads, and loads of random thoughts went through my mind, I was glad I wasn’t the one who had to be focused! Eventually I found myself praying too. I found myself overwhelmed and crying soft, quiet tears to myself. No sobbing or difficult breathing, only gentle tears rolling freely down my cheeks. A beautiful, emotional, difficult, overwhelming place to be. Amongst these strangers, with my oldest Friend, my soul was freed to breathe. Everything was perfect while nothing made sense, I felt like a mess, but everything was going to be ok. An instant, a lifetime, a moment.

After a while the ladies finished writing and smiled at each other in consent that they were ready to start telling me the answers they had received. Smiles are good, right?

The first lady had written the following:
How does God see Shannan?
• Strength, determination, energy
• Someone who is positive and optimistic, others appreciate this about her
• A girl spinning round and round, perhaps unsure of which path to take and needing to be still in order to listen
What is holding her back?
• ‘explore the things you love’
• picture of a girl spinning again but her hands are tied – she wants to be creative but somehow she can’t – God wants you to express your creativity in different (new?) ways
• Try some new things and see what happens
• Energy, colour – this is what He loves about you
• New doors will open / surprises, a wrapped parcel

The second lady saw a scene:
Tropical aquarium / reef. Full of abundant life, bright and vibrant. Beauty.
Surrounded by many others in community.

Fish all sway one side and then the other and then the other with the tide. Pulled in many directions. God can calm the seas – He calmed the storm and parted the Red Sea to create a path – try and stop the swaying and centre on Him to open the path and follow it. He has such powers – He is a powerful God who can do anything.
Anchor comes down through the sea – fix yourself on that. Strong and sturdy.

Trish:
How does God see Shannan?
Rubik cube – fits together perfectly and yet is complex
He delights in you
Creative – lots of colours mixing
Good mind – clear perspective
What is holding you back from reaching your full potential?
- Distractions / lack of focus?
- Built a protective shell around you which God is wanting to remove
- God has more in store for you than you could ever ask or imagine
- As God removes the shell, He will cover and protect you with His love

My heart continued to overflow with tears while they shared their insights. My mind was taken aback: there were no bad things, there was no anger mentioned, there was no: You are guilty, a sinner, a waste of time. No: You have to join a church. Instead, the messages were simple and all three ladies, who didn’t know me at all and hadn’t said a word to each other, had similar pictures: Energy, colour, vibrancy with lack of focus on God and that I’m holding back. God delights in me! (I couldn’t believe it) How often do I hear that? Uh, this was a first! I was relieved, happy, hopeful, strengthened and encouraged. I had no idea how I was going to focus, or how I was going to find ways to be ‘creative’ (I thought I already was?), the only thing they suggested I do was to hold onto God ‘sturdy and strong’. Trust in what these ladies have seen. Be faithful and strong and determined some more. God does love me. (Wow!) Even though I can be difficult and others often don’t know how to take me, it’s ok, because there really is love in my life. I must hold on to that.

The ladies gave me a little time to mop myself up, they were smiling. The first lady asked me what I did for a living. I smiled through teary eyes and a runny nose: “I’m a teacher.” She beamed! Literally beamed! “So am I!” she smiled, “Good,” she said, “We really need more people like you in our classrooms.” I laughed, I’m not sure how much more of British classrooms I can handle.

I thanked them and made my way home; happy and content that even though it was so difficult to be away from home and I still had so much to achieve, everything was going to be ok. No, everything was going to be better than I ever imagined!

On the train I couldn’t help but read the Horoscope for the day (I know it’s not Christian or God focused, but I’m working through the habits):
AQUARIUS: If a light must go out this week, Aquarius, then let it go out with a bang. Don’t let any sort of passing go unnoticed in the days and weeks ahead, because it could just be the very ending to mark a whole new beginning that’s on its way. Trust me, you’ll want to remember the events of the next few weeks in the years to come.”

As I’ve never been able to go to sleep without a goodnight prayer. Tonight it was:
“Thank-You Lord for loving and blessing me – Thank-You!”