Let's Start Again?

Cherry

By Silver Spun Sand

Fri, 10 Jun 2011
  • 3431 reads
15 comments
 

No – this isn’t a poem;
it’s a cup of cold coffee...
yours truly, chilling out
after spending the day
convincing him he’s far
better off in a home, rather
than living with me; all that
specialist equipment...
It’s nice – where he is...

that he’ll soon settle in;
it’s merely a blip – a slight
shortage of staff. God knows,
they mean well; don’t they?
And it’s really no big deal
to be left dying of thirst...
to be ignored for an hour
in need of a commode...

It’s this shitty cafe – a kid’s
snotty nose at the opposite table –
another – slinging fries
on the floor, splurging them
with her Nikes, then yelling
for a milkshake while her mum
makes love to a mobile phone...

it’s a soggy, Hawaiian pizza;
it’s his words ringing in my ears,
“Let’s start again? I’ll try harder,
next time, I promise.” It’s anything
but a poem, but if it’s metaphors
you’re after, what better one...
for a life that’s as good
as it gets.

Certificate 12
Poem
Silver Spun Sand Poems
Other Fiction

Comments

Submitted by barryj1 on
This sure is a powerful, uncompromising poem. The back and forth between the nursing home (i.e. that's an assumption on my part) and the restaurant works incredibly well and adds synergistically to the tough-as-nails message at the end. It takes major guts (I was going to suggest another part of the human anatomy but out of a sense of discretion...) to write a poem this honest but I wouldn't expect anything less from the author.

barryj1

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Hi there, barry. Many thanks for reading. Your assumption is totally correct and I am pleased it hit home for you. Tina

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on
Wow! Tina, you certainly spoke from the heart with this piece, pretty powerful stuff, especially that second stanza. This competition seems to be bringing out some strong feelings. I wish you the best of luck with your piece. Jenny.

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Jenny - thank you;-) And yes, you are right, this competition does seem to have aroused quite some passion, judging by a good number of the entries. Have a good weekend;-) Tina

 

Submitted by Highhat on
You always seem to pull me into your realisme Tina. This is really very good and it is such a relief to be reminded of these truly humane matters. ;)Pia

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Pia, I much appreciate your feedback, and I am more than pleased you got something worthwhile from this. Hope the sun shines on you this weekend;-) Tina

 

Submitted by Beeme on
This one pulled at my heartstrings Tina. It's so powerful, extremely moving and very beautiful. Good luck! Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Many thanks for reading this one, Beeme and also for your good wishes;-) Tina xx

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
I like your style, jib, and thank you for it;-) Tina

 

Submitted by shoe on
hard hitting where we are most vulnerable, a cracker, good luck!

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Many thanks, shoe;-) There are quite a lot of us keeping our fingers crossed, I should imagine. Not long to go now;-) Tina

 

Submitted by Cavalcader on
new Silver-Spun-Sand Yes, well explained, the nursing home and emotions, of other's going on.Images and descriptions used. Brill; good one for the comp; wish you the best of luck. I have now deleted Jack tar and (IP) but (IP) is still on, as some liked it have re-adjusted some, and put through for the comp; for fun. I wanted a word whopped! mine said no such word, unyet I remember must be a slang word. But reads better now without think. Have a good week-end. julie x

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Thanks, Julie;-) Pleased you got something from this, and the best of luck to you with the competition. A lot of us are keeping our fingers, and toes, crossed, I am sure. Have a sunny weekend yourself;-) Tina

 

Submitted by h jenkins on
Hi Tina. A bit late with a comment but I'd made a rule for myself not to look at other entries till I'd posted my own. Anyway, of your two pieces I prefer this. As you know I'm not one for free verse as a rule but I think it's the perfect medium for this kind of ... 'mind-doodling' can I call it? It has a feel of 'guilt' about it which I can relate to myself. Best of luck in the comp. Helvigo Jenkins

Helvigo Jenkins

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Helvigo, I thank you for taking the time to read this...your honesty, and your integrity. Thank you, also, for your good wishes, and I think there will be an awful lot of us keeping our fingers tightly crossed over the next few days or so. Have a peaceful evening;-) Tina