Zone Red

Cherry

By Silver Spun Sand

Fri, 24 Apr 2015
  • 1525 reads
12 comments
 
“Leave the money on the pillow, close the door before you go;
it’s freezing in this hell-hole and the meter’s running low!”
 
He asks how much he owes her. She says she don’t come cheap
as she calls out from the bathroom, “I’ll see you then – next week.”
He buttons up his trousers – runs his fingers through his hair,
puts the money on her pillow, shuts the door – goes downstairs.
 
Leaves some coins on the table - for the meter , says his note.
She's choked up by his kindness, not a bad sort of bloke.
With a match she lights the oven, and a rusted, old gas fire –
it just about ignites and she tries to turn it higher. 
 
It’s on the blink, again, though...told the landlord umpteen times;
he’d get it fixed, he promised her, and he would if pigs could fly.
Pours herself a nightcap – a whisky on the rocks,
puts the money from her client in a little metal box
 
Plumping up her pillow – she evens out the sheet,
puts on her warmest nightgown – bed-socks on her feet;
she doesn’t need no rocking, soon, she’s out like a light.
Dead to the world, she is - by eleven that night.
 
Not fire, not flood, nor tempest could wake her as she slept,
not the wailing of a siren, not a late, low flying jet...
nor the couple upstairs, rowing, or their baby as it cries,
least of all the gas-fire, and its death throes as it dies. 
 
Same time next week he finds her – remembers  what she’d said.
Kicking down the door, her words echo round his head.
 
“Leave the money on the pillow, close the door before you go;
it’s freezing in this hell-hole, and the meter’s running low.”
Certificate 15
Poem
Silver Spun Sand Poems
Drama
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by EB on

Such a stark shock end to this. The rhyme adds a certain tone to the general coldness. Effective.

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Appreciated, EB.  Many thanks for dropping by, and I'm really pleased you picked up on the general tone I was aiming for.

Tinasmiley

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

What a clever narrative. Sad, Easyjet brings into today but it has an earlier feel to it.

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Thanks, Philip, so much...most of all for picking out that bit that jarred...it did for me too, if I'm being honest, so have edited accordingly. You are inspiredsmiley

Have a peaceful Friday.

Tina

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

The bed socks seem to make her so real and ordinary! The death throes of the gas fire, so causing was an effective touch.  Quite a rhythm to this, which seems to keep the impetus of the tale going. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Thanks, Rhiannon.  Glad you noticed the bed-socks, but who could miss them?smiley

Tina

 

Submitted by hilary west on

Nice bit of fun in this one, SSS. Good rhythm got it going too!

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

hilary, indebted to yousmiley

SSS

 

Submitted by Starfish Girl on

It cettainly does have a very 'old' feel to it. A bit like country and western lyrics, Dolly Parton like!

Very well written and good rhyming.

Lindy

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

I know just what you mean about the Dolly Parton thing.  She'd do it proud, most certainlysmiley

Many thanks, Lindy.

Tina

 

Submitted by lenchenelf on

Like the conversational tone, well measured but fading away, as is her life, everyday pragmatism in the face of quiet desperation and a sense of inevitability. Clever stuff Tina.

best wishes

Lena x

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Lena, cheers....and all the best to you, toosmiley

Tina x