Dear Diary Some Days In My Life Things Aren't Always What They Seem

Seeing Maggie after such a long period of time, I wanted to give her a welcome hug like we used to do, but because of her stance which seemed defensive...as if she were saying; “nice to see you, but I don't do hugging any more.” I kept my distance and just remarked in a light hearted way;

 

“Hi! It's great to meet up with you again.” But the spark that once was, had gone and It was also a shock to see her once long hair was now to her shoulders...coming from someone who said she'd never get hair cut short, I was surprised.

 

Asking her to come in, Maggie declared that she couldn't stay, due to her boss needing her back at the bar where she was working. “I've got the evening off,” she announced, “so we'll meet up in the bar later, about 7.30pm...if that's okay with you?” Her eyes seemed distant, reflecting her facial expression, that there was an unwilling reluctance to show any sign of the bond we'd shared in the past.

 

“Yeah...that'll be fine,” I declared in a cheery manner. “Where is the bar by the way?”

 

“If you go to reception, there's a door off to your left that says Lounge Bar...you can't miss it.” She appeared to be in a hurry to get back, so I said I'd see her later.

 

As she waved and disappeared, I couldn't help feeling apprehensive about the evening, not knowing anyone else I wanted her support, but didn't want to be a burden, I hated relying on others and the butterflies were beginning to kick in, 'funny!' I'd never felt like that with Maggie before.

 

Having about an hour to kill and promising my parents I'd phone, letting them know their daughter had arrived safely, I took my purse out of my bag and sorted out some change. Walking out the door and up the driveway, there was a phone box at the top of the road, which was very handy. Making my way, the view of the sea was breathtaking, I felt invigorated just thinking about the walks I'd be taking with the baby.

 

Reaching the phone box and putting some money in the slot I dialled the number, deciding in my mind what to say, one thing was for sure, there was no chance of me mentioning Karen to them, that would have really set my Mum off, she was such a worrier, it makes me think that's where I get my attack of the panics from.

 

The money dropped as I heard my Mum's voice. Both Mum and Dad always repeated their number when answering the phone, it was a habit that I'd tried desperately to discourage them from doing. “Mum...Dad!” I'd say, “you shouldn't give out your phone number...you don't know who's on the other end of the line.” But still they'd continue.

 

“Mum!” I said excitedly. “It's me!”

 

“How are you Jenny? Did you have a good journey down? What's the weather like there?” Like bullets out of a gun, she came out with so many questions, I didn't know where to start.

 

“I'm fine...the weather's good and I had a good journey here.” I said trying to sound nonchalant.

 

“So what are your plans for tonight?” She asked, not really giving me a chance to ask my own questions.

 

“Well...I'm meeting up with Maggie for a drink.” I could hear her tutting of disapproval at the mention of my friend's name. My Mum had a poor opinion of Maggie, as did Maggie's mum of me. Both parents thought we were a bad influence on each other, which in our younger days I suppose we were.

 

“You be careful! You have a baby to consider now...you don't want to loose your job before you've started,” she insisted.

 

'Flipping heck Mum!' I thought! 'I can't believe it! she's making me feel like I'm a married Mother, that's going to get drunk every night and have my baby taken from me.' “Mum!” I insisted. “I'm a twenty one year old woman...not a child, I can be responsible you know.”

 

“Oh! Don't be daft Jenny I know you are, but I'm just saying be careful.”

 

This was the time to end the conversation before it had hardly got started. “Look Mum...I've got to go and get ready, also the money's running out. I'll ring you again in the week...okay?”

 

“Right, that's fine. Well thanks for letting us know you're okay. You take care and good luck with the job.” Mum replied, sounding like she was busy and as desperate as me to end this conversation.

 

“Bye then.” I put the phone down, hardly believing how quick the call had been. Here I was, wondering how Trixi my dog was doing, and if Dad was taking her for her daily walk.

 

It was only the first day and I was pining for home and the woods that I loved escaping in, to spend time with my own thoughts. It was always about this time of day that I'd take Trixi for a walk after work, she'd go running off down the garden, anxious to be out the gate, sniffing around and exploring.

 

I remembered one time when she was a puppy, I took her up to Kings Weston House, where she loved to go bounding off investigating. On one particular occasion, she'd been gone quite a while and I was getting worried, calling out her name, she still never came. When I finally found her, she was no longer a white dog, she'd found some oil and rolled around in it, at first I thought it was mud, but on closer examination...you can guess how devastated I was. I cried all the way home, not able to cuddle her or even pat her. My Dad had to get professional help to get the oil out, then Trixi had to have a really short cut, which made her look like a tiny skin head.

 

There were so many thoughts running around in my head, things I'd never got to ask Mum. I definitely needed to get out of this despondent mood and back to the chalet. Questions needed answers, I couldn't wait to meet up with Maggie to find out more about Karen.

 

After a quick wash and finding my way to the reception area, I found the lounge bar. Taking a deep breath and putting on a casual attitude, I walked in, there was Maggie stood at the bar. She looked around as I entered and ushered me over with a smile, which put me more at ease.

 

“What you drinking?” She asked, looking happy to see me, much to my relief.

 

I noticed she was on the Tia Maria, but that wasn't for me. “I'll have a lager and lime thanks.” It would be a mistake for me to go on the spirits or shorts, I knew I'd get drunk too quick, and getting up early with a hangover wasn't on my agenda.

 

The girl serving behind the bar smiled at me, as Maggie introduced her. “This is Shelly...we work together and share a chalet.” I smiled, she seemed nice and I hoped we'd all get on.

 

“When Shelly's finished her shift, we're going back to our chalet with a bottle of Tia Maria.” Maggie announced. “She makes the best liquor coffees you've ever tasted...we'll get some cream too.”

 

“Aren't we going to the pubs outside?” I enquired, feeling deflated at the thought of sticking around here.

 

“No!” She said. “There's no point...plenty of optics here to choose from.” Now I knew Maggie had changed, because she used to love a pub crawl.

 

“We have the early shift tomorrow, so it's better if we stay here, then we can just fall into bed later.” She announced with a smile.

 

My mood started to sink, but there was still the question of Karen, I hoped Maggie could fill me in on the child's attitude. “ I need to ask you something in private.” I uttered, looking at Shelly and hoping she wasn't offended. She carried on with what she was doing completely oblivious to my secretive nature.

 

“Come and sit over here.” Maggie said, as she pointed to one of the tables.

 

Picking up my drink and following her over, we sat down. She took a sip of her drink, looking intrigued and asked what all the mystery was about?

 

“It's about Karen, the motel owners daughter. I was just wondering if there's anything wrong with her, only she seems very strange.”

 

My friend looked concerned, gazing around as if the bad guys in a spy film were listening in on our conversation. “You need to be careful with Karen...she's got issues that cause a lot of trouble.” Maggie sounded serious.

 

“What kind of issues?” I whispered...not understanding, I was now very curious to know what all the mystery surrounding the girl was about.

 

Maggie looked me in the eyes, then exclaimed, “It's not really my place to tell you, but you're a friend and I want you to understand.” She paused and I became worried of what she would say next, then she continued. “Karen's Dad works away a lot, and well you know what they say, while the cat's away the mice will play.”

 

I knew exactly what she was saying, but before I had time to speak, she blurted out. “You mustn't say anything, I'll loose my job if Karen's Mum knows I told you.”

 

All that went through my mind was! 'What have I gotten myself into here?' I promised Maggie I'd say nothing and pretend I didn't know. I just wanted to enjoy my time here, especially since I'd packed my job in back home, and my wages had dropped to hardly anything at all.

 

The whole evening with Maggie and her friend had been a complete flop as far as I was concerned. I never visualised sitting in a chalet drinking Tia Maria coffees, it wasn't my scene at all. In the end I left early, which was just as well, because the next morning I awoke fresh and ready to go...no hangover thankfully.

 

There's not much to tell as my diary came to a sudden halt! From my memory it was a week of cooking – cleaning – ironing and general duties, which I didn't mind, in fact it made the time go quickly. I hardly saw Maggie the whole week, as when she was working I was off and visa versa.

 

Most evenings I was either babysitting, or I would take myself off and go exploring around Tenby, though usually taking the same route and then returning to my chalet for yet another early night of sleep. By Wednesday I was getting into the swing of things, the job would have been okay, had it not been for the fact I wasn't told every detail of what I would have to put up with. The baby was fine, but there was the small detail of the Mother going off with her fancy man while I baby sat.

 

As I mentioned her husband was away, so I was left in charge of not only the baby, but also a bad tempered nine year old daughter, who to say was jealous of her baby brother, was becoming more than I could cope with. Karen always managed to cause problems when her Mother wasn't there, then would be all sweetness and light when Mum came home, which left me feeling frazzled and wondering if I'd made the biggest mistake of my life coming here. The old saying; The grass is always greener on the other side till you find out it's not, kept swimming in my mind. How could one nine year old child cause so much havoc? I'll never know. It also saddened me to realise that I'd never seen her playing with other children, the whole time I was there, which was very strange.

 

Her husband returned the following weekend, I was happy to see Karen cheer up at the sight of Dad finally home. On the Saturday he decided to take us for a picnic, which Karen got very excited about. His wife didn't come, having the Motel to run she was too busy, so it was just me, Karen and baby Christopher. I don't remember much about the day, apart from being amazed at how the devil child, changed into a happy go lucky girl, until finally her Dad had to leave and we were once again back to square one, which left me sighing a lot.

 

But the last straw happened one evening well into the second week. I was babysitting and watching the television. Christopher was asleep in the nursery, when all of a sudden I could smell burning. I jumped up checking the kitchen, thinking something had been left on the cooker or in the oven, but the smell wasn't coming from there, it came from the hallway, so running back through the living room and out into the hallway, Karen was stood outside the nursery door, a big grin on her face and looking pleased with herself, holding onto the handle for dear life. I tried to pull her off but her grip was firm. That's it...I'd had enough, I physically threw her to one side, as she fell I quickly opened the nursery door, only to see the waste basket going up in flames. Running to the bathroom, I grabbed the plastic bucket full of dirty nappies, tipping everything into the bath, while Karen still sat on the floor grinning. Ooh! Was I angry!

 

Managing to put the fire out thankfully, I opened the windows and took Christopher from his cot, placing him in his lobster pot play pen in the living room, he screamed and cried, wondering why he'd been woken. I went back into the hall and grabbed Karen, dragging her into the living room, where I told her she would have to tell her Mother everything. She of course refused, saying it was all my fault for not spending time with her, then she poked her tongue out at me.

 

“Look Girlie!” I demanded. “My job's looking after the baby not a nine year old girl.” I knew she was having a hard time accepting her Father wasn't there and Mother was always too busy for her, but I didn't feel that I should have to cope with all this. To top it all, the Mother had the audacity to blame me for her daughters spite, I felt traumatised.

 

After that episode with the fire, I'd had enough, I told the Mother where she could stick her job, I was leaving and wanted to be paid, which she absolutely refused to do. I was so angry because I was broke. Here I was miles from home with no money.

 

She told me to leave my chalet at once, that she needed it for paying customers, so I had to do the next best thing, kipping down in Maggie and Shelly's chalet. Maggie managed to smuggle me in, to my great relief. Next morning she gave me some change to phone home.

 

Of course when I spoke to my Dad, he said; “Sorry...but you made your bed and now you have to lie in it, anyway! we're decorating your bedroom, so it's not fit to sleep in at the moment.” I had a funny feeling that would be his answer, but pleaded all the same.

 

“I'll sleep on the floor downstairs,” I said, now in panic mode, feeling lost, my heart was racing at about a million miles an hour as I only had a few more coins left. The answer continued to be a definite No! So – that was that. What was I supposed to do now? I had no idea.

 

At the time I felt my Dad was wrong not letting me come home, but as the years go by and looking back on my life, I realise that he did me a great favour. As an adult, you have to go through the bad times and make your own mistakes, to know when something really good comes along and hold onto it.

Names and places have been changed to protect identities.

 

To be continued...