Leaving The Nest

Cherry

By skinner_jennifer

Thu, 02 Jun 2022
  • 1642 reads
15 comments
 

This is a poem inspired by Kilb50's story:

The Castle, about a young girl named Elowen.

 

 

 

Such hankering memories when

leaving home, embarking on

journey all alone; venturesome

views come back to Elowen of

forest paths she's traveled on.

 

In full bloom but fearing blame,

her grandmother lay dying; left

so much pain. Energy needed

for her escape, hunger was like

a determined bird; eager to leave

nest she'd pay her debt and make

things right.

 

journeying towards the ocean blue;

an intrepid fearless Peregrine she

flew, a hunter like this bird of prey;

with sling in hand rabbit would slay.

 

On waves of air without pause to

rest, hoping to soar into lighter

places...but no water here was fresh

as honeydew summers, to enlighten

days and bathe the flesh.

 

Fate took this girl into danger, like

waves traversing rocks; where

crevices cribbed world of crabs and

barnacles. Elowen wondered what

part she'd play within castle walls

in fishing bay,

 

for this girl's only world so torn

apart, endeavours to cleansing

spirit, maybe a rippling tune of

water pouring from rock pools

to heal her heart.

 

She searched old places of historic

wisdom, and tasted parched salty

air, that leaves this girl a heroine;

drowsy as a new born, plunged into

a world of adventure and despair.

Certificate PG
Poem
Poems
Travel
Historical Fiction
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

I wasn't very sure about this poem, so I value critique from readers if they think it can be improved, or even if you think the layout should be tweaked.

Thank you.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by marandina on

Your poem tells an interesting story, Jenny. I like the format and it's full of your excellent use of phrasing etc. There are many better placed than me to give constructive critism but I certainly enjoyed your poem. Paul :)

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

I was out on a walk in the forest when I thought of Elowen and I'm enjoying The Castle story so much, just had to put pen to paper.

I'm so pleased you enjoyed reading and thank you so much for letting me know.

Jenny. smiley

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Kilb has created such a wonderful character in Elowen hasn't he? This is just the kind of thing I had in mind when I wrote this week's Inspiration Point - thank you - and I'm sure Kilb will be very flattered that he sparked it off

one small suggestion - I don't think hi jinks sounds quite right - perhaps something like adventure instead?

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

I take on board fully your suggestion which is perfectly right, will change after I've thanked you so much for reading and your help.

Glad you enjoyed reading and appreciate the comment.

Thank you also for those lovely cherries which have made my night.

Jenny. smiley

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

You have a wonderful stirring rhythm and create a romantic sense of adventure. Only, at the end, you call her victim and I think of her as heroine?

It's a great accompaninment to the original story!

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

you're perfectly right she is a heroine. This is the kind of help that I really needed and I'm so grateful for your advice, will change after I've thanked you so much for your kind words.

Many thanks.

Jenny. smiley

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

A very imaginative interpretation of a romantic scenario, Jenny, full of flair and rhythm.

Luigi xx

 

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

your words are very kind, and I do appreciate you reading and taking the time to leave a comment.

Thank you so much. smiley

Jenny. xx

 

Submitted by celticman on

yes, the mystery deepens. You've captured it well. 

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

to know I've captured the mystery in this poem makes me very happy.

Thank you so much Jack. 

Jenny. smiley

 

Submitted by Kilb50 on

Jenny - I really enjoyed reading this, particularly the tone and rhythms of your poem which, as Di & luigi have pointed out, evoke a certain idea of romantic adventure. In fact, your poem opens up new insights into Elowen and the landscape she inhabits. Crevices cribbed crabs...the idea of her as an intrepid fearless Peregrine...Fate, like waves traversing rocks...and high jinks also is appropriate in its way, as there are lighter adventures to come. Thanks for writing this, Jenny! All the best to you.

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

PHEW! Mark, yours was the one comment I was worried about, I didn't know whether this poem would do justice to your incredible story. Now you've put my mind at rest I'll be able to sleep tonight. yes

I'm so grateful to you for taking the time out to read this poem and share your thoughts.

Thank you so much.

Jenny. smiley 

 

Submitted by Jane Hyphen on

I love the element of folklore in this; nature intertwined with adventure, constant peril, all driven by the froces which spring from childhood experiences.  The name Elowen is so beautiful.

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Thank you so much for your kind words. I have Mark to thank for the name Elowen. This poem was inspired by his brilliantly historic story, charting an age of fear, adventure and intrigue, that is based on some facts.

He brings the characters to life making you feel like you're actually there...very engrosing.

I'm glad you enjoyed this poem and thank you again for taking the time out to read.

Jenny. smiley