Mountain Spectre

By skinner_jennifer

Sat, 19 Mar 2016
  • 5839 reads
21 comments
 

Alone – I wend my way along crooked trails,

sustaining sanity as showers are relinquished

from murky sunless gloom – halting me in my

squalid determined effort to reach my goal,

 

gazing up: rain cascades leaving droplets to

tumble down these apple cheeks so rosy with

anticipation – my quest soon apparent to reach

those highest peaks rising lucid above a mantle,

 

a clandestine of secrets hidden above billowing

hostility – where beams of sunlight embrace this

weary soul; as shadows melt into the atmosphere,

each step I'm driven on by the mystery I seek,

 

My summit in sight – up ahead a stream meanders;

a slithering snake, weaving its way as pulsating

globules bounce off surface; cloud burst glides

across the morning mist giving me goosebumps.

 

Finally I stand amenable to all that surrounds a dawning glory;

sun at my back I quiver as hair stands up on end...silent at the

precipice; reaching out to a ghostly Brocken Spectre that is me,

standing in a rainbow of colors - has my heart skip a beat.

 

 

Certificate U
Poem
Poems
Spiritual

Comments

Submitted by Sooz006 on

I'm no poet, so not sure if my point is accurate or not, but I'd add  commas in two places on edit. The only other thing I'd suggest is losing the exclamation mark. I think the poem is far strongr without it and the rader will add their own emphasis. 

 

Hi Jen, great to read you again. You already know that I have a couple of words that sums up everything you write. I read anything by you and it brings on feelings of calm, peace and serenity. Your words are so quiet and gentle. I try to avoid adverbs but your writing is beautiful. You're always a joy to read. 

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Hi, Jenny. Is this imagined, or memories? You have even given a positive touch to overcast showers here! – 'showers are relinquished from murky sunless gloom'

I particularly like 'a stream meanders resembling slithering snake, weaving its way as pulsating globules bounce off surface' very realistic. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by hilary west on

This is very imaginative, Jenny, and even has a touch of drama. It was nice to go on this journey with you!

Best Wishes,

HW  smiley

 

Submitted by Bee on

Lovely and transporting. 

Bee

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi there sooz,

it's so great to hear from you again. You know I miss your help with my writing and always appreciate the help you give me. I'm not really a poet myself, just like to write down my feelings but have no idea about where to put commas and exclamation marks, so again I'm always grateful for your help.

Can you tell me where I should put in commas, as I have no idea where you mean.

Anyway I'm happy that I could bring some calm, peace and serenity to you. Thank you for reading and commenting.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi there Rhiannon,

the poem is imagined, but the photo was taken when I was in Italy and I kind of thought it went with the poem. I happened to be going through the dictionary and came across Brocken Spectre, so I decided to check it out on the computer, what I found was amazing, the images of a person's shadow standing in thin air surrounded by a rainbow, simply blew my mind, so that's what inspired this poem.

Many thanks for reading and asking me about the poem, it's nice to beable to explain the insipration behind it.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Hilary,

so very grateful to you for reading. I was explaining to Rhiannon the mysterious Brocken Spectre behind this poem and how it just blew me away when I saw the images on line. I wanted to put a image on, but wasn't too sure of whether it was allowed, they're pretty eerie to look at, but a marvel of natural creation.

Glad I could take you on a journey, it was certainly fun to write. Many thanks.

Jenny. smiley

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi there Bee,

really glad I could transport you and thank you for letting me know and for the read.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Jenny - what a wonderful poem.  You manage to convey with your words the beauty of that photograph.  I have only been to Italy once, and it was a little town, nothing half as breathtaking as where you visited, obviously.

I too love the slithering snake and feel it would have way more impact if your omit the word 'resembles'.  All you need to do is put a  ;semi-colon after meanders. Hence:-

"My summit in sight - up ahead a stream meanders;

a slithering snake, weaving its way..."

Also, as far as the last two lines are concerned, if you subsitute 'me', for 'myself', you get a pleasing rhyme with 'beat' .  Something else which you might like to consider is subsituting the word 'in' instead of 'within', which is more in keeping with the poem's rhythm, and also leaving out the word 'that' in the last line, by subsituting a dash.  I.e.

;reaching out to a ghostly Broken Spectre that is me

standing in a rainbow of colours - has my heart skip a beat.'

Just a few ideas for you to think aboutsmiley but, all in all, this is an outstanding poem, Jenny...one to be proud of.

 

 

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Tina,

you are just what the doctor ordered, a nice dose of great advice which I shall see to as soon as I've answered your comment. Many, many thanks.

I'm glad you liked the photo, I would have really liked to have taken a photo of a Brocken Spectre off the internet to be honest, but wasn't sure of what I could use.

Italy was and still is one of the best holidays I've ever had, we spent three weeks there and the people were so kind and helpful, I often wonder if it's like that now, because this photo was taken in the 1970s.

Any way thank you again for the advice and time you've spent helping me.

Jenny. smiley

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi again Tina,

it now reads a lot better.

I can't thank you enough.

Jenny. smiley

 

Submitted by loquaciousicity on

Hi Jenny...

This is just chuck full of stunning images...

awesomeness encapsulated!!

Terry

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

What a lovely comment Terry,

I'm so happy you were able to see the images.

Many thanks for letting me know.

Jenny. smiley

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Jenny - it certainly does read beautifully now...but it was also beautiful beforesmiley

Tina

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Many thanks Tina.

Jenny. smiley

 

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Jenny

what a beautiful poem, and a beautiful mountain. It really was full of majesty.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Jean,

I'm so glad you enjoyed this poem, it certainly was fun to write.

Thank you for reading and letting me know your thoughts.

Looking forward to reading your work later.

Jenny.

 

 

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Jenny

Lovely poem, full of powerful words and emotions.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Penny4athought on

Magical and lyrical . It took me on your journey too. I'd never heard of Brocken Spectre but now I will have to look it up too.

Penny4athought

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Jean, again many thanks for your comment. Sorry I've taken so long to get back to you only my computer broke down over Easter and had to get it mended.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi there Penny,

so many thanks for reading and sorry I've taken so long to reply to your comment.

You really should look up a Brocken Spectre, they are truely amazing and it's only pure luck if you happen to see one in real life.

Glad you enjoyed reading, thank you for letting me know.

Jenny. smiley