That's Life ( Pt 9 )

Dear diary...without any heating in my room, I placed my son in his carrycot putting one of his bonnets on him, although it was nearly Spring, it was still cold at night and I could really have done with an electric fire or at least some kind of warmth, though my son didn't seem to complain. Even a hot water bottle would have been something while sitting in that evil armchair, as I contemplated the black bags that lay around my feet, then wondered how on earth I was going to get any furniture up the stairs, but couldn't see anyway around the situation.

 

With no radio, or television, I kept myself occupied by pulling the threads of stuffing out of the arms of the chair. I was so uncomfortable sitting there in my coat, trying to bring my knees up, the chair was too narrow, so then I decided to lay down on the floor, but the carpet was itchy, so I pulled myself back up into the chair.

 

Time dragged, the hours endless as I rested my weary head, trying to close my eyes. Eventually I turned off the light, deciding that maybe it would help me fall off to sleep, but it seemed as if the darkness made it even worse. I could hear heavy snoring coming from the bedroom below, it gave me the shivers as I tried to shift position, I could imagine her husband's great big stomach going up and down with each snore that vibrated through the floor.

 

My eyes played tricks on me, imaginings manifesting dark, shadowy forms in the gloom. I hated this night, it felt like being back home as I tried filtering out thoughts, knowing that I would need all my strength to face the next day.

 

All night my head kept nodding, as I would almost fall off to sleep, but then find myself jumping awake. By morning's first light, the scruffy, worn out chair I'd spent the night on, was almost threadbare, I'd managed to disembowel most of the filling from the arms of this repulsive piece of furniture, that had me scratching myself senseless. Not another night would I spend curling up, trying in vain to get some rest, but just feeling enraged at my situation.

 

Monday morning traffic could be heard passing outside, but I was tired and hampered by the burdens that lay ahead, my brain unable to function properly. I felt like an empty vacuum. Collapsing onto the carpet once again, I lay down feeling the hard floor below me as I stretched my whole body, then let myself relax.

 

As always my son was completely unaware of our situation which I was so thankful for, he stirred opening his eyes ready for his feed. Still dressed, I slowly crept out of the door and down the wooden stairs, discovering again some of the squeaky floorboards.

 

The hallway was as dark and gloomy as ever, as I made my way to the squalor of the kitchen, the floor with its years of dirt gave me a sick feeling. There were false teeth sat in a cup next to the sink, which was stacked high with dirty plates and yet still the pots and pans from the previous day, I moved them aside and filled the kettle with water, desperate for a hot drink. I managed to sterilize four bottles, then made up some feeds with the SMA milk. Taking one bottle I placed the other three in the fridge.

 

Still the house remained quiet, even the dog never stirred in the sitting room as I passed, I guessed that was why I wasn't allowed to stay down there, in case it escaped. I made my way back upstairs with my hot drink and some much needed food for my son.

 

As the morning progressed, I was grateful to have the bathroom on my floor, despite the condition it was in, having to share with the landlady's husband scared me, I didn't want him encroaching on my space, not that I could imagine him having the energy, or even being bothered to climb to the top of the house to my room.

 

I bathed my son very carefully in the sink, which seemed to do the job quite well, when there was a knock at the door. By now everyone else was up and the landlady called up the stairs. “That woman from yesterday is here to see you.”

 

I couldn't leave my son, so I yelled out. “Can you tell her to come up...I'm in the middle of bathing my son.” I heard her mumble something, but couldn't catch what she said.

 

As I took him out of the sink with a large towel the landlady had given me, I went back into the bedroom, when my friend appeared at the doorway.

 

“Hi!” I said, really pleased to see her.

 

“How did you sleep?” She asked, seriously concerned for me.

 

“Terrible!” I replied. “That chair needs to be thrown out, I was itching all night...I'm sure I've been bitten a million times.” I showed her the red marks on my arm.

 

“Well! I've got some good news.” She uttered looking pleased.

 

“What is it?” I was excited, thinking that maybe she'd found somewhere else for me to live.

 

“I spoke to my sister on the phone when I got back to the refuge, she has an old mattress that was her son's, but they've bought him a new one and said you can have the old one...there's also some bedding to go with it.

 

“Really!” I was over the moon, at last a comfortable mattress to sleep on, I wouldn't have to get the camp bed from mum and dad's now, which was a relief with everything else I had to do. “Thank you so much, I don't think I could have spent another night on this monstrosity.” I said excited.

 

“My brother-in-law's outside in the van, I'll go down and we'll bring it up for you.”

 

Before I had time to say...hold on! I'll come and help, she was already on her way down. Before I knew it, they were struggling up the stairs, with what I thought looked like a brand new mattress. Placing it on the floor, she went back down and collected a pillow and a quilt, also a couple of sheets too.

 

“Where would I be without you?” I said, almost in tears of happiness.

 

“Well! At least that will do for now!” She declared.

 

“I think I'll put one of the sheets over the chair, at least that will cover up the monstrosity.” There would be time enough for making up beds and eating, all I wanted to do at this moment was get my son dry and dressed.

 

I had a busy day ahead of me, sorting out my child benefit, going to see my solicitor and many other people that I had to let know of my new address. I would also need to sign on with a new doctors surgery. I would miss my health visitor, but I was now living on the other side of the city, so would no longer be able to continue with her. Luckily my friend's brother-in-law offered us a lift into the city and for that I was eternally grateful.

 

It was a long day, as we made our way around Bristol, walking from one end to the other and back. I was glad of my friend's company, she knew a lot more about the system than I did, advising me on what I was entitled too.

 

By late afternoon we'd done as much as we could, but I still hadn't seen my solicitor, so I gave the receptionist my phone number at the house, then made an appointment to see her on the Wednesday, to arrange for me to go back home and pick up some things I needed.

 

I felt empty and alone as I said goodbye to my friend, she had to get back to the refuge for when her boys got in from school...how I wished I could go back there with her, even granny didn't seem so bad anymore.

 

Making my way back to the house, I couldn't wait to get in doors, the street was eerie as I passed gangs of kids hanging around, they were probably completely innocent, but my imagination was working overtime and had me nervous.

 

Putting my key in the lock, I realized I'd not eaten all day, so thought about getting a packet of biscuits from the shop down the road, but it would mean having to pass those kids again, so I decided to wait for my meal. The landlady called out from the kitchen. “How did you get on?”

 

“It was very tiring, with all the running around,” I said, feeling a dread at having to climb all those stairs, but at least I had a mattress to sleep on now. “I'm sure I'll get it sorted out eventually.” I said. That was the million dollar question though. There was still a new doctor to find and my son's operation would be due soon.

 

 

To be continued...