Lying Here

Cherry

By socialeaf

Sun, 14 Jun 2015
  • 1804 reads
8 comments
 

 

Your soft supple words

punctuated with gentle

shushes

and a finger on my lips

when I try to speak

I understand

 

Morning light

needling through

holes in the curtains

like stars

Can't make out faces

in their dark folds yet

 

You know I couldn't

add to this

that my words

would crack

this transient

and fragile moment

and let the true day in

I understand

Certificate U
Poem
Leafnotes
Love

Comments

Submitted by Art of the Diver on

Yes, nicely rounded piece, with a perfect final cliff to hang from. wink Thank you for sharing your talent...

Rob

Submitted by socialeaf on

 Thank you Rob:)
Roy

 

Submitted by Bee on

I like the -

'Morning light

needling through

holes in the curtains

like stars

Can't make out faces

in their dark folds yet' - there's a lying awake, fretfulness about it. 

In the opening stanza, not sure about the mixed tenses. should it be - punctuate instead of 'punctuated'? 

I like the way that throughout the piece, nothing is being allowed to be said for fear of breaking a fragile moment.

 

Bee

Submitted by socialeaf on

 Thanks Bee:) I'll give that 1st stanza some thought.

 

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

Beautiful - so delicate and well crafted. A lovely piece. 

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.

Submitted by socialeaf on

 Thank you so much AE.
Roy

 

Submitted by love_writing on

I found this touching and beautifully fragile...that moment before 'true day' begins. 

love_writing

Submitted by socialeaf on

I'm pleased you like it:) Thank you for reading it!