It's A Good Day So Far: Chapter Eight, Kissing and Alcohol

Chapter Eight: Kissing and White Wine
I am worried about two things.
1) Kissing boys
2) Drinking alcohol
At the school disco, Jenny got off with Joe Trench. They had a smooch to Adele, and Joe asked her to go out with him properly and be his girlfriend. Jenny was dead happy and she let Joe kiss her. The next day he told her that she was dumped and then he went around telling everybody that Jenny couldn’t kiss properly.
I don’t know how to kiss properly, either. I’ve been asked to go with three boys since then, but I said I didn’t fancy them, because I don’t know how to kiss. Going with someone is like getting off with them for the night and then, if they like you, they ask you to go out with them for real and then you have to kiss.
Last year, Keith Green asked me to go with him and we went out for two days. He held my hand when we went to hang out, and that was nice. I felt dead important walking down the street holding hands with a boy. I wanted everybody to see me. Then, when he walked me home he kissed me on the cheek and when I turned around, he kissed me on the lips, just like that, and it was really good. I went in my house and got all butterflies in my stomach. But I don’t think it was a proper kiss. He had his mouth closed the whole time and you’re supposed to have your mouth open, everybody says so.
I told Sal that I’m worried about it and she said to practise kissing on the back of my hand. She did it to show me how, but it was really cringey and we couldn’t stop laughing. And she’s no good, because she’s only kissed two boys and neither of them had kissed anybody before either, so she didn’t know if they were doing it right, or not.
It’s all right saying open your mouth, but how far? I mean, if you open yours wide and he only opens his a smidge, you’d end up sucking his nose. Oh God, how embarrassing would that be? Can you imagine? The next thing is, you’re supposed to go round and round with your mouth, like you’re chewing chuddy, but how fast do you do it? How do you know that he’s going to do it at the same speed? I know you’ve got to close your eyes, but I’m scared that his mouth will fall off mine and that, if I’ve got my eyes closed, I won’t know how to find it again. It’s not like you can get your fingers in there and grope around for his mouth, is it? And that’s another thing, how do you know when to stop kissing? Is there a set time? If there is, I don’t know it. And when you stop do you close your mouth while you’re still kissing, or pull it away first and then close it? It’s got to be the last one, because you can’t close your mouth while you’re still kissing because his mouth is still on there. So you pull it off first, but what if he opens his eyes and you’re there with your mouth open, like a fish? Wouldn’t you look really stupid? It’s all so confusing and until I know what to do I’m going to have to keep turning boys down, and then I’ll be ninety before I get a boyfriend.
My second worry is alcohol. One day, when I’m older, I might fancy a glass of white wine when a boy takes me out for dinner in a fancy restaurant. I have no idea what one glass of white wine would do to me. Mel drank half of a bottle of cider, is wine stronger or weaker? And what if I want half a lager instead, or a gin and tonic? Sal said I’d just have to try one drink of whatever it was and see if I was all right, and then, next time try two, and do it that way. That’s all well and good but what if I have one glass of white wine and end up like Mel was, in the middle of a restaurant, too.
I asked Mel what it felt like and she said that at first it felt quite funny and it made her laugh, but then all she wanted to do was cry. But if you ask me, that’s all understandable, she’d just had her boob felt with all of his mates copping an eyeful, and then she’d been dumped. I think I’d cry too, without the cider.
I suppose, when I fancy a white wine with my meal I’d be safer having a soda water, with ice and a slice, and that’s classy, anyway.
When I got in Bo, that’s my cat, came to meet me like she always does, but she was crying her head off. I gave her a stroke but she wouldn’t shut up. When I went into the kitchen, I saw that all three of her bowls were empty. That’s fine with the bowl that she has wet food in, because she only has that at tea time, but her water bowl and her biscuit bowl, that should be filled at all times, were both bone dry. I fed her and she was so thirsty that she lapped her water for ages. I don’t think Mum fed her this morning. I hope she’s better at feeding the baby.