The Real Man - Discovery of a Misadventure

By srikhs

Thu, 31 May 2012
  • 363 reads
2 comments
 

Place: A Busy Road
Time: 10:45AM
He was running so fast as if he was chased by death. To everyone's surprise, there was no one chasing him. It was strange to think that he was doing some kind of warm-up even. So I followed him. Though I had lots of work to do, I didn't want to miss the opportunity. I knew this could even be the worst thing I had ever done in my life.

One could easily guess that he wore some kind of tore t-shirt and a jeans. Seeing the total appearance, my thoughts were like: "He looks terrible. You would get into trouble following him". I realized that people were thinking that I was chasing him!!!. I wanted to tell him, "Yooov, run slowly. I don't have much energy". And, I could see some youngsters taking pictures of our stupid running with their cameras.

Suddenly, that guy turned to see me and speeded up with a smile in his face. I wanted to shout and ask him: "Mr.Terrible. Why the hell are you running?". He took his mobile to answer a call. I found he was surely in some kind of trouble. A sudden thought in my mind asked me: "Are you a movie star? Why are you performing such heroics? You are completely out of your mind!! Remember that you are just a college student who still wonders 'Should we score high grades?' and making fun of others."

It was 10:55. Finally, running for about two kilometers, got a chance to go near that freak. I got a good hold of that guy. The usual question "Who are you? Why are you following me?" from him. "Hey...what is the problem?. I seriously want to know about it",I added as if he was going to tell me. He never listened to me.

Finally he entered some place. I too entered without knowing what the place was. It was a hospital. He rushed to the receptionist. He went to donate blood to save a life. How stupid was I?
I just looked at the EXIT board and started moving out. I didn't want to ask anything to anyone. But, there was a question within myself "Why didn't he catch any taxi or auto?". The real 'good' me said "He would be so poor to afford such things. Yet he came to save a life".

This could have totally become a misadventure. But it was the real adventure. Despite his looks he proved to be the 'real man'. Finally obtained the spirit within myself to do something totally good. The first thing is to stop misadventures!!!

Certificate U
Story
Other Fiction

Comments

Submitted by Jessiibear on
This read is interesting. I liked it. Looking passed the various punctuation errors, wording misuse, grammatical errors, and so on, the meaning behind it was enjoyable. The idea that I found quite interesting was from the narrator her/himself. It is clear to see that you need to look over this story again and edit it accordingly, but the tone and seeming errors that you have weaved throughout could also play a brilliant part in the story itself. Let me explain... The fact that the narrator even felt the need to follow this runner down the busy street, said to me that s/he either had a lot of time on their hands or was the type of character to intrude (out of curiousity, no doubt) in a strangers life the way s/he did. This struck me because, if the setting really is a busy street, then this stranger's urgency shouldn't have been something someone would even consider an emergency that requires attention, especially since this stranger showed no true sign of emergency. You made this moment scream "trouble" in an implausible way. The scene reminded me of a homeless vagabond stalking busy men and women in a city for a penny. The narrator could have easily been a hobo, in my eyes. That isn't a terrible thing, however. I once wrote a sentimental story about a homeless man...and I think it turned out pretty good. It would be easy to transform this story into such case without really changing anything. But of course, there are a number of errors that I think after getting a look at, would greatly strengthen your story as a whole. Despite it all, great story you have here. It does need a lot of work, but it has even more potential.

Jess

Submitted by srikhs on
Thanks for your read and valuable comments JessicaA. Have made some edits on the errors I could find. Quite happy that someone has recognized it as a story. Thanks for that. This is really encouraging.