Letters From the Viscomte (Hospital Stay)

Your Most Dainty and Spectacular
The Duchess Leah de Wit

Greetings I send you on this November Nineteenth day of our Lord, Two-Thousand-Ten. May this message find you petulant and perfumed.

It was with much indignation that we, your humble yet affected servants, learned of your recent medically-related engagement. Our shock, your Ladyship,registered upon our elegantly coifed and powdered faces as extreme and utter annoyance. However shall we survive the season with your Ladyship lounging at hospital.

The streets of Deerfieldenton are amuck with the unseemly rioting of cobblers, brassiere handlers and monkey trainers. There is rampant looting of Cowflop Shops, Nosehair Salons and knee-high vendors. Such is the state of your Duchy.

It should come as no surprise to you that we have taken covert residence at your maison in Glenviewland until the rabble has been properly flogged, or at least until the cows come home. I must confess a rather queer and gleeful disposition to your capes and frocks Duchess... Spank me !

Whilst eating cake last night we reminisced on our cousin, Baron Prybe. It seems only yesterday that he tied a cat to your bell-pull. Whenever someone came to call, a cat would shriek. Needless to say we looked through every nook and cranny but didn't know to answer the door for days. We also recalled little Lady Exter. She hid, if you recall, limburger cheese in your bedroom heating duct. Poor dear, you thought your "B.O." had surfaced again. Suffice it to say Auntie, we gave her a good and proper throttling for that one.

Ah well. We have beaten a big fat pig for a fine and dandy supper upon your return. Your favorite courtesan has been oiled and starved and your pantaloons are fresh. We pray that your physician has a fine and upstanding bedside manner and that your bosom still heaves mightily with the weight of emeralds. We humbly look forward to your return to health and stealth.

-Viscomte Lary von Stael
Landgrave of This & That