I’ve Got It On A List

It was a very pretty piece of paper, it came from one of those pads that people  actually BUY! Me, I cut up old envelopes and use those. This one was a delicate  shade of lilac with tiny forget me not flowers around its edge and the writing  was exquisite. A bit over the top for a list I thought. 

I had come across it whilst trawling through Oxfam’s second hand books.  Another indication of what a cheap skate I am, why pay full rate for the same  book you can buy in a charity shop, AND you’re supporting a worthwhile cause. 

Well, to get back to this rather smart piece of paper. I couldn’t decide if it had  been used as a book mark or if it had found its way into the book for safe  keeping. Anyway I bought the book, along with said list. It was one of those  much praised by literary supplements and if the writer of the list had read it then it was one for me. 

Got home, settled down with a cup of coffee, a garibaldi biscuit (I do love  picking out those currants, we used to call them dead flies when I was young) and the aforementioned book. Oh deary, deary, deary me, what a mistake! First  paragraph in and I was completely lost. Tried the second and needed a  dictionary to understand some of the words, oh well it only cost fifty p so it  could go back to the shop to delight another reader. 

I threw the book on the floor ready to settle back for a well needed nap after all  those hard words, when that pretty piece of paper fluttered out and landed on  my lap. A sure sign I was meant to read it. Glasses perched on the edge of my  nose I began to peruse. Immediately hooked, drawn into the world this woman,  for surely it must be a woman, had created. 

First I marvelled at the jewel like lettering, a skill sadly missing in the current generation of textophiles. Obviously a Mont Blanc top quality ‘fountain’ pen had  been used with an ink colour that echoed the colour of the paper. Oh my, I need  to savour this list. 

No items numbered but I will start from the top, 

Write to M.P. 

Surely it must be a matter of great importance, a solution for the Brexit  debacle, Boris’s problems with the ladies, or even a plan for world dominance led by Madonna. I could go on! 

Study Amazon Self Publishing

Obviously she has written the latest block buster. Nothing tacky or seedy like  that Shades of Grey nonsense (I have only read selected bits). It will be  something that will make people take stock of their lives, for the better. 

Take clothes to charity shop. 

This is intriguing, a house move, a death in the family or even a new partner which would require a whole new wardrobe. 

I am warming to this woman. I feel we have a lot in common. I would love to  meet her. 

Item number four, I just wonder if these are in order of importance, Send for course information 

Mindfulness, a possibility or maybe family history. She would really like to  ‘discover herself’ I think.  

Now this next item really puzzles me, why doesn’t she write him a letter? Email Bob 

I think I’ve cracked it. Bob is an ex lover now living as an expat on the Costa Del  Sol. He has a slightly shady past which is what attracted her to him. Emails  easier than trusting snail mail. 

We get to our last item, 

Check payments on Paypal 

Is she being scammed? As a highly intelligent person I think she would have her  finger on the pulse, or, if she is like me, which I suspect, she has spent too  much this month and not sure there are funds to support the extravagancies. 

That’s it, the list done. I think I have got the measure of this person. I would  truly love to meet her. 

Last dead fly eaten, I need to make a shopping list. A ballpoint pen, an old  envelope and off we go. 

Mousetrap cheese( cheap one) 

White sliced loaf 

Bottle of cheap red

Garibaldi biscuits.